M's heart rate dropped to 50 bpm which is not good at all. I had four nurses rush in moving me side to side, hooking up oxygen, and trying not to look panicked. For the first time I thought I might not go home with M. I was crying and praying and crying. I just thought ' God, I can't live without her.' Finally they got her heart rate to stabilize, but it didn't last long. She had several more dips and I wasn't progressing past 7 cm. It was all falling apart. I went from not getting induced and having my dream birth to the farthest thing from it. When the Doctor arrived I was done trying to get her to be ok. I just wanted her in my arms. Safe. My amazing, wonderful Doctor could tell. He called for a cesarean and thirty minutes later I was being moved to the operating table.
Getting wheeled in there it really hit me. What if she isn't ok? What if I'm not ok? How could this happen? The medicine I had at the point made me really sick. I was so afraid of throwing up and choking on it. I wanted to Hulk out of the straps they had me in. I was shaking uncontrollably from the medicine. There was blood on the blue curtain right in my face. I felt like I was getting tugged in every direction. To this day I can't believe how small my incision is. It felt like I was cut side to side.
Then I heard it. M's cry. She was brought around to us and all of a sudden the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen was right in front of me. We touched cheeks. I told her I loved her. Told her how proud I was of her. I was going to take her home. She was coming home with us. It was like a power ballad just burst into my head. I was all 'Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel. My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel. I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day. You got me in a spin but everythin' is A.OK!' Even though I was on deaths door and strapped to a bed with my organs hanging out I was on cloud nine.