Saturday, December 21, 2013


I think I have way too much on my mind and heart to even write this and make any sense. Before Molly turned a year she started to eat a lot of non food items. Mainly litter, lotions, and soap. At the time she had a doctor that wasn't very proactive. He told me her iron level was fine and she was just weird. Seriously his words. Fast forward and we switched doctors. There was a lull between her appointments since she's older, but at her new doctor I brought it up and he was concerned. This was about six months ago. It took awhile for them to get back with me and it seemed to tapper off a bit so we postponed. Till now.

I took her in this week because it was getting worse. It developed to other non food items, but just as frequent. I mean daily. There were other things going on too so I called to go in. He diagnosed her with pica and referred me to the children's hospital to find a cause. I was a little surprised when they gave me the number to the psychiatric department. So of course that night I googled the crap out of pica. There are some other causes of pica besides iron. I didn't know this or I would have pushed harder a long time ago. She has no delays or brain injuries so that's out. She doesn't have any rituals like OCD. She doesn't eat items that fall more towards iron. And then there is autism.

When I first read it I thought no way. I even told the women at children's mercy I just didn't see it. Then that night a ton of bricks just hit me. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me while the big picture came in to view. That next day I pretty much stalked my friend who also does parents as teachers with the girls. I called an old work friend who I worked with and managed her son's progress at head start when he was diagnosed. I told her all the things that were fitting together. If her son didn't do them they were asked about during his evaluation.

So I'm driving around like a crazy person with no direction trying to find her PAT rep because children's mercy is a six month wait and how the hell do you even wait that long? How do they expect that when she's eating glass!?

With their direction I've contacted First Steps, but it's holiday time. I'm going to try another hospital. I'm just going to try so I feel like I'm doing something during this damn wait.

Then every time I look something up and it's on there I feel this sinking feeling. When I read word for word something we see everyday. Because I know from experience she has more than enough signs. Because I know we have to pursue this and thank God if it's not, but I'm not going to live in denial either and say "she's just weird." It's the not knowing and then the deep down knowing something isn't right. Just waiting for someone to tell you what the answer is.

No matter what she's our perfect gift. I love her completely just the way she is. What makes me sick is not really what the future holds, but if it is this and people feeling sorry for us. I don't want that. I don't want them feeling sorry for her. There's nothing to be sorry about because no matter what is causing this and everything else she is perfect to me.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Week 7: Monsters

Talk about slacking. Two weeks ago we skipped class completely. I had the Monster unit planned and ready but it just didn't happen. When Thursday rolled around I knew we should just skip. Then there was last week. Adam was out of town, Natalie got four teeth, and Molly missed her dad something awful. Still we managed monster week, but only on two days. Monsters are huge in our house right now. I think I've seen Monsters University 5,000 times. So I thought it would be the perfect theme to connect with her.

Then this week looks grim also. I pulled my back Sunday. Luckily the chiropractor seemed to help. I'm hoping tomorrow will be even better. I'm just not much use right now. So this week will just be random things. I got a adorable printable for lego numbers here. I know we will be using those and some past loved games and some new ones. Since we missed a week, had a short week, and now no unit this week I don't want her progress to slip.

I couldn't find a pocket chart that I liked so I made these instead. They didn't get a ton of use, but I think they will be fun for next Halloween too. 

This little craft is our new class monster. After she painted it I added sharp teeth in the mouth and eyes. We are going to use it for different games. Like say shapes, feed the monster the star. 

I made little shape monsters to play a game. The shapes are from the Melissa and Doug shape puzzle and then the set 2 color tabs. It was a lot of fun and she loved the game!

The second day I had my nephew over. I was excited to have him because like Molly he has always stayed home. One of the printables was how many monsters are at the door. It was really cute. To make it fun I would knock under the table and then set the amount of monsters on the paper. They loved this game and it went on for awhile!

Then we worked more on size sorting. Aiden picked up on my showing small, medium, and large with my hands and he kept doing it the rest of the day. It was adorable. Of course he stopped when his mom got there. 

I loved this paste body part activity. It didn't keep Aiden's attention much so he played while we worked on it. 

Then we made squish art. I love the picture of them showing off their monsters. Once they dried I cut them out, added eyes, and the glued them to popsicle sticks for puppets.

After that it seemed like each of them went off to do their own thing for awhile. 

Then they teamed up to create a block structure. I love seeing them work together. 

We did some prewriting work too. I notice this time that Molly has started to hold her utensil correctly. I'm not sure when she started, but I was definitely happy! Teaching preschool I know it can sometimes take work to get kids to start doing this. I was happy to dodge that bullet. 

I made a little counting game to go with the number cards. Aiden loved this! He is a pretty good counter for two. I knew he could count to 20, but I wasn't sure if he could quantify. He did great! The object of the game was to count the eyes and match them with the correct card.

Here is the link to the printables used

Her favorite song this week was:

f You Are a Monster added 9-2-01 Original Author Unknown

Sung to: " If you're happy and you know it"

If you're a monster and you know it wave your arms
If you're a monster and you know it wave your arms.
If you're a monster and you know then your arms will surely show it.
If you're a monster and you know it wave your arms.

Continue with: your claws
...gnash your teeth
...stomp your feet
...growl out loud

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm Sorry, Sweet Natalie

Tonight I held you in my bed to get you back to sleep. I laid there curled around you as you slept so still. Molly was in the living room being quiet. For the first time since you were born it felt like just us. We got to snuggle in peace. It hit me that this rarely happens. Very rarely.

That was something Molly and I got to do all the time. Every night we would go to sleep that way. Things changed after you were born. Life just became so fast pace. It almost had to in order for us to stay afloat. Everything seems to be a hurry. We have to hurry through meals, sleep, getting ready, going, being wherever, and then when they day ends it's like we all go off on our own to recoup.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how few and far between the still times are. I'm sorry I haven't made certain things a priority despite what the day holds or despite what your sister is doing. I am sure there is a way to not let life get in the way of the most important things.

Like quiet snuggles. Peaceful bedtimes. Long drawn out meals. Baths that turn cold. Getting to the store when we get there.

Friday, November 1, 2013

I really need to stop giving a shit about nap time...

because if not i'm going to hulk out. Who am I kidding, I already have. I just need to take a few breaths, calmly step away, say some prayers, and plan on a stiff drink after bed time.

We've been having this issue where I keep needing to be places in the evening and she keeps not wanting to nap and then I pray for patients and then over react and then feel worthless. It's a vicious cycle.

So here we are again. I'm stuck between you are two and need a nap and go have a kegger for all I care.

Should I care though? She's fine. She doesn't care. Is it worth me losing my cool and feeling like a terrible mom? If she still needs naps she'll learn after being dead tired at 5pm a couple times. Maybe.

Basically I'm writing this down so the next day and the day after that when I'm fighting to get her to sleep I can come back and reread my thoughts.

When she was a baby I followed her cues. Becoming two shouldn't change that. If her cues are that she is not napping then so be it. I WILL NOT LOSE MY HEAD BECAUSE YOU NO LONGER WANT TO NAP ON MY TIME. Ok, now I'll just be rocking in a corner saying this over and over again.

Weeks 5 & 6: Pumpkins & Halloween

The past two weeks have shown some major changes with Molly. Especially this week. I'm amazed at how the activities have clicked with her and she doesn't need as much help anymore. With how busy we have been I decided I would just post about these two weeks together. I tried to focus more on pumpkins week 5 and then more Halloween this week. We had a lot of fun! Molly is weirdly obsessed with pumpkins, and after last night she is also in love with Halloween. Needless to say the past two weeks definitely held her interest.

We played a shape matching game. She loves matching games. They have been easier for her than some of the others.

We started a several step project. Last week she painted it and I glued a stem on.

I found a really cool pumpkin observation sheet that we filled out before we opened out pumpkin.

She liked watching me cut the pumpkin open. I was surprised that she hardly messed with the insides.

I wanted her to help roast the seeds. I filled a bowl full of water and she got to wash them, then dry, then "sprinkle" with cinnamon. As you can imagine we didn't eat them really.

I used an online printable to make a pumpkin lifecycle ring book. She was very interested that pumpkins at one point are green. One night we were sitting in the living room and she said to me "pumpkins grow on the ground on the dirt. Need water and sun." Heart burst!

This week we started our lessons in My First Hands-On Bible. I love it! They also have activity ideas. The lesson was on God creating the world and the activity was drawing your favorite creation. This was the first time Molly said what she was drawing. She told me she was drawing a pumpkin patch. She started out with green and orange! Of course then the pumpkin patch took her own creative turn.

We also did some practice cutting with her knew scissors.

We did some coloring and some sticker art.

This is a great counting game! Also where I started to notice her doing the games without as much of my help.

We carved pumpkins and by we I mean Adam and I. Molly had 0 interest as you can see by her face. Natalie got stick her hand in for a few seconds before we had to grab the bowl away. We won't be doing this again until they ask! 

I got out the Melissa and Doug sequencing game. We also did the apple and scarecrow. 

I  cut out a black circle and gave her some tape and scissors to make a mummy. It was a blue mummy since that is all we had close to white! She loved this! I gave her two craft eyes and some glue too. 

The sensory bin was quite the hodge podge this week! 

While she was doing the sensory bin I decorated the top of this door and it hit me to make a game. So I put the webbing at her level too and gave her some of the spider rings. I would hand her a certain amount and as she put them on we counted. It was a great fine motor and counting activity! 

For fun we made the obligatory seasonal hand print art. 

For the second part of our plate craft I gave her some of the seeds she had washed off and I saved. After the mummy she said it needed eyes so I gave her some. 

We read a lot of this book to help prepare for Halloween night. 

I wanted to make an orange art activity, but we didn't have an orange dobber, so yellow had to do. She loved it. We will definitely be doing a color a week now. 

This was when I really started to notice a change. We have done sorting games before and they didn't hold her interest and you could tell she didn't get them. I put a spider in each compartment to get her started. Like before I told her that the spiders needed to get home and asked if she could take them off. She was off and I didn't help at all! 

I post a game with these cards about every week. They are awesome tools! She likes the game, but usually needs help. Just like the sorting game I usually tell her that the objects have a certain home. For this I hold up the object and tell her where it lives and she has to put it where it goes. Like "This pumpkin lives at the three." I didn't have to do that so much this time, because instead she just counted them out. 

This was another game that she didn't have much interest in. With these I hold up one side and tell her whatever it is needs it's other half. This time they needed their half to go trick or treating. 

She loved this craft, of course! It's 3/4 shaving cream and 1/4 glue. Once it dried I glued on the eyes and drew the mouth. 

Today I hung up her art that week before class. I can't even stress how big it is to hang their work at their level. They get to see it and discuss it later. They feel like you appreciate it. These were not eye level because we ran out of eye level space. I was hoping she would notice and she did. She walked in and first thing she squeals "I made it! I made it!" 

I had bout these stickers for Halloween week and almost forgot about them. I wanted to do something more so I made it a little game. She did so good at it! I hung it on the fridge so we could talk about it later. 

This was our first time going over patterns. It is definitely new and I helped a lot. Just like the other things she will catch on, but this will probably take longer.

We did some prewriting and color sheets. For the color sheets I saw this wants to be whatever color and then hold up two colors for her to decide which is that color. 

We did some dot to dot art. 

We also did a science activity over static electricity with a tissue paper ghost. 

She also had a friend with her today! She found this bear in the pretend corner and he got to help her through the day!

Printables can be found at: 

(that is not the cycle that we used, but I couldn't find it again.)