Thursday, September 15, 2011

Accepting The New Me

I can't. To say I feel down about how I look is putting it mildly. I wasn't some hottie before getting pregnant, but I was better than this. What's funny is I had so many insecurities about my body back then. God if I knew then what I know now. I just want to go back in time and kick my own butt for not loving how I looked. I wasn't a stick, but I had a shape. Now I just look in the mirror and only one word comes to mind. I don't want to say that word here. I'm a big piece of flab with stretch marks. Also, I have no idea why anyone would want big boobs. I miss my old ones.

I've been having these feelings a lot lately, but after a pound of fries and a bowel of ice cream they really came pouring out. I need to make a change. I walked more nine months pregnant in the July heat than I have recently in the cool breeze. I did ok at first with eating, but here lately it's like I'm pregnant again. Why can't I just crave a salad? I lost like 30lbs in the first few weeks after M was born. Now I'm at a stand still. The rest is up to me. So instead of throwing out half my closet I need to get busy. My plan is to walk five days a week. I'll be getting some disgusting Kashi cereal for breakfast. Mmm tree bark. For lunch a salad or a sandwich. No more chips or desserts at lunch. For dinner I'll try to keep it away from the freezer and out of the fridge instead. I used to always cook. I loved it. Now I'm just lazy and pop in some chicken fries.

I figure that with the exercise, breastfeeding, and healthier meals that I can get away with a dessert for dinner. That is my weakness. If you are having trouble accepting the new you head over to Shape Of A Mother. It is a seriously awesome blog of women with their postpartum bodies. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. We aren't. It is what it is. Now it's all about what I do from here.

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