Friday, July 5, 2013

Reflecting On Year Two

Two years ago I heard you cry for the first time. I was panicked and praying. I was clutching your dad's hand waiting for that sound. The second I heard it tears filled my eyes and poured down my cheeks. I looked up to my left and saw them streaming down your father's too. Then I saw you. Your red hair whipped in wet curls. Your face scrunched up crying from the shocking new world. You were perfect, and days like today I will always go back to that second. I imagine the day you step onto the school bus, the day you throw your cap in the air, and the day I stand to watch you walk down the aisle. I will be thinking of that moment I laid eyes on your bright red hair and scrunched up face. I'll be thinking of the day my life changed forever and the days that have continued to change it since.

That moment stopped time for me. They held you up for only seconds, but to me I had locked eyes on you for a lifetime.Still I remember it all. The lights, the smell of the blanket they wrapped you in, the sounds, and that feeling. The feeling of holding my whole world in 8lbs. The feeling of forgiveness. I knew I had been forgiven of any wrong doings the second God gave me you. I knew what I was here for. I was here to be your mom. I was born to love you.

As magical and special as that moment was, there have been a million since. When I would dance around our living room to Bob Marley to sooth you. Watching you fall asleep next to me. Feeling you nuzzle into me to nurse. When you took your first steps and then took eight more. Your laugh. When you first hugged me back. The first trip to the park when you didn't need my help anymore. All of a sudden when your interactions with the people around you became so much more than emotional, but verbal and purposeful. When you became you and had the ability to show us exactly who that was.

You have changed so much this year. You've gone from toddling around to running, jumping, throwing, and climbing step by step. You communicate with me. You tell me what you want and how you feel. Hearing what's on your heart does more than you will ever know for my heart.

My wishes for you are still the same. I hope you always know how much we love you and I hope you always know to love yourself. I hope you spread peace and are accepting of others. Not just others like you.

Knowing who you are now I have all the faith in the world that you will be good in the world. You will conquer your fears. I know you'll go as far as you want to, and right now that's pretty far.

It's strange to look back at the start of this year. You then and you now is just a totally different person. I know you in such a different way though, and it's made me unafraid of you growing, but excited.

We got to take a family trip together. It was so nice to be away from work and daily distractions. You loved the water.

You are still such a daddy's girl! I guess it's ok.

A huge thing happened in your second year. You became a big sister!

You are a little lion at heart. Your spirit and tenacity are challenging but so admirable and something I love the most about you.

You could live in snow. It surprises me when you see a snowman in a book and remember. I guess I'm still surprised when you do something that seems so old when I still can't help but see you as my baby. You spent most the time eating it. You are definitely your mama's girl. I ate some with you too.

I can't help but laugh when I see you in your Christmas dress. It was so girly and over the top Christmas. You loved wearing it. I love how you are so your own person, but still have a girly side. I know some day you will know that you can be many things.

You've developed a love of dressing yourself. When you are home you are either naked or wearing five layers of random clothing.

Your laugh is contagious. There just isn't a more beautiful sound.

You love your poor cat. You show so much concern for him. He likes to run out into the garage so you have made yourself the door guardian. Deep down I know he loves you too.

You're just fun. Plain and simple. You are the person that will make a party. I take pride in this.

You really are an amazing sister. You didn't have as much trouble as I've heard, but you were definitely different at first. You have no idea how much that broke my heart. Now you have so much pride for your sister. You let everyone know about your baby. You always want her next to you wherever you play.
I know I'm your mom first, and I don't want that to change, but you are my best friend. There is not one person I'd rather be around than you. Ok there is one more, but she is pretty cool too and you have to admit we have room for Natalie in our friend club.

I really can't imagine a better year. I can't imagine having more love in my life. Seeing the way you've grown this year. Watching you have the ability to show us your personality. There just isn't anything better.

Happy birthday Molly Rose. I love you with all my heart.

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