Saturday, June 29, 2013

Why This Isn't Hard

When I found out I was pregnant when Molly was ten months I felt panicked. It didn't help that a lot of the blogs I followed would often write posts about how hard being a mother of two can be. The whole nine months I was a ball of nerves. I worried I wouldn't love her as much. I worried I wouldn't be on top of things. I worried I would never leave my house.

Once she got here I felt so much guilt. Not just for Molly, but for Natalie too. We had to be so concerned with how Molly felt that I often felt guilty Natalie was being over looked. Like oh she is content let her be and let's play with Molly. When Molly was a newborn she was held all the time. She didn't have to cry for long at all. I never propped a bottle for her. Poor Nat has like two propped bottles a day. Sometimes she has to just cry while I'm making sure Molly doesn't burn the house down. Thank goodness Natalie is chill because that girl can be surrounded by toys on the floor for a bit. She never got to sleep in our bed. We moved her to her crib in Molly's big girl room so it would be easier on Molly.

So is two harder than one? I mean it's more work. Obviously there is another kid to put in a car seat. There is one more that needs to eat while your food gets cold. There are two baths and two outfits. Two need to go to sleep.

I told my grandma when I was pregnant with Natalie that I was worried about the love. Molly seemed to take up my whole heart. I was worried about having enough heart to go around. I was worried about how emotionally you have two kids. Having a child is an emotional roller coaster. They get hurt and it's like you lost a limb. They cry and your heart breaks. She is happy and I'm jumping up and down like an idiot. How do you feel all those emotions x2? How would I handle it?

I don't know, but you do. Your heart doubles. The joy doubles. Although you've been there already you still get giddy when they first reach for something. Even though your other one is scaling walls there is still insane excitement for the first time rolling. It doesn't matter that it's already been done by your first.

All those things make it not hard, but I'll tell you what makes it better than one. I felt like there was nothing like the love you feel from seeing your child grow. I didn't think it could be topped, but it can. It's topped by the love you feel when you see the love they have for each other. There is nothing like watching Natalie's face light up the second she can see Molly. Yesterday Molly poked her in the eye and she just laughed. {I know Nat's feelings that Molly can do no wrong since I am also the little sister} There is nothing like hearing Molly shush her and rub her belly if she cries. I burst when Molly leans right into Nat's face and talks to her. Although it worries me to find Natalie in a different place than I left her I can't help but be so insanely happy that Molly wants her next to her.

There is more work, but it's not harder. It's better. Just look at the glass half full and the fact that you almost want to go back inside by the time you get to the car won't really matter anyway.

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