It feels like a war. We have a solution, and then something sets us back. She's ok. She's not ok. I want to say that Natalie is the sweetest and smiliest little baby. When people always ask is she a "good baby" I have to laugh. I hate that question about any infant. Well she doesn't stay out past curfew, she doesn't swear or talk back, and so far she's not pregnant. I mean how could she be bad? She's three months old. I know what they mean. Yes she sleeps through the night at the moment. Yes she smiles a lot and doesn't cry all hours of the day. Really though it's a loaded question. She is an amazing baby, but she is in pain. It causes my heart pain.
The past couple days her reflux seems like the days when she was not diagnosed. A lot of arching. A lot of crying. Her cough is back. She is spitting up often. She sounds like she has smoked for 30 years. Tonight was the worse thus far. She cried for several hours. A cry of pain. It is so hard as a mother to sit and rock and sway and be unable to offer relief. I can shush and pray and cry with you, but I can't take away the pain, and I'm sorry.
My thoughts are that she has gained a considerable amount of weight since her last appointment. At that time they raised her dosage based on her new weight. So tomorrow first thing I'm going to call and see if they can tell me a new dosage. I just don't think we can wait till her appointment on the 20th. She needs it now. I also switched her from Gentle Ease to AR today.
She isn't spitting up as much with the AR. What she did was very thick. Not like before. However tonight was the crying fit so her spit up may be less, but her pain obviously isn't.
I just want to hear her breath easily. I want to feed her and not worry that she will lose all the food she needs. I want her to be comfortable. I want for her to be able to do whatever she wants after a bottle and not have her waiting period for when she can be out of the perfectly propped angle. I don't want to ever hear her cough, because her poor throat is burning. I won't stop looking for an answer till she is. Whether it's dosage or soy v. milk based or time. I just need to know how to relieve her pain when she screams for relief. I want to offer more than rocking and singing.
I'm her mom and I'm suppose to make it all better, but I don't. I will though eventually. I know it, because somethings got to give.
I am your parent. you are my child. I am your quiet place. you are my wild.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
My Nephew Is 2
When you have a baby you know them by weeks for the longest time. Each month you are blown away that so many weeks have gone by. Pretty soon it's 6 months. Then with a blink they are a year. That whole year you are just waiting for it to happen. You know it goes by fast so you watch carefully as the days pass.
Then there is two. Where you try to search your brain for how many months they are. That second year is a dozy. You're so busy putting feet back on the floor and chasing down a toddler that you don't even really know the day. It's not just the rush though. The second year is not necessarily better, but so different. This year they are a tiny person with interests, thoughts, and a way of communicating. They have settled in to the family. You can't remember what it was really like without them. Your days are meals, cartoons, play, and so much laughter. Your days are a start to a brand new adventure brought on by curiosity and a thirst to learn. A lot of not so fun things too, but who counts those.
The second year is just gone. You aren't sitting and waiting because your mind isn't watching the time. It's watching them and their learning and growing. It's fast, but not so fast. That's why it's so sneaky. All of a sudden you realize they are so much different than two months ago in the pictures on the fridge.
So now he is two. Two years. I want to tell you everything about him. There just isn't enough time to put down his whole character, because believe me it's a lot. Aiden is kind. He is a gentle sole. He has been since he was itty bitty. He chuckles. If you ask him he is five. You have to tell him the Bubble Guppies are napping in order for him to drop the begging to turn on the DVR. He loves anything stuffed and especially monkeys. He's bright. If you want him to say something don't ask. Just say it and 100% of the time he will repeat it. I've never seen a child have so much wonder in their eyes. He takes in everything, and he loves it all. He's going to be a good person. I know it in my heart. He's going to help people and go places.
Being an aunt is a surreal thing. It was yesterday that I was looking through the glass at this tiny little screaming baby. We all hovered around and took in every feature. At eight months pregnant the tears were streaming. My mind was racing through all those precious memories I had with Bree. All the late nights, barbies, and secret games. The petty fights and the meaningful make ups. This was her son. We always knew this day would happen, and it was here. My best friend had just had the best thing that will ever happen to her. I love him. He's not my own. He is something entirely different, and really I have no idea how to explain it. I would do anything for him just like my own. I love my own because they are mine. I love him because he is hers.
He is my sister's son. He is my nephew. He is my daughter's best friend. He has so many roles in his life that mean so very much to me. He's growing and becoming himself and as he grows his life becomes more intertwined in the rest of ours. As bitter sweet as a second birthday is it is a magical thing.
Happy Birthday Aiden. I am so excited for your life and the years to come.
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Then there is two. Where you try to search your brain for how many months they are. That second year is a dozy. You're so busy putting feet back on the floor and chasing down a toddler that you don't even really know the day. It's not just the rush though. The second year is not necessarily better, but so different. This year they are a tiny person with interests, thoughts, and a way of communicating. They have settled in to the family. You can't remember what it was really like without them. Your days are meals, cartoons, play, and so much laughter. Your days are a start to a brand new adventure brought on by curiosity and a thirst to learn. A lot of not so fun things too, but who counts those.
The second year is just gone. You aren't sitting and waiting because your mind isn't watching the time. It's watching them and their learning and growing. It's fast, but not so fast. That's why it's so sneaky. All of a sudden you realize they are so much different than two months ago in the pictures on the fridge.
So now he is two. Two years. I want to tell you everything about him. There just isn't enough time to put down his whole character, because believe me it's a lot. Aiden is kind. He is a gentle sole. He has been since he was itty bitty. He chuckles. If you ask him he is five. You have to tell him the Bubble Guppies are napping in order for him to drop the begging to turn on the DVR. He loves anything stuffed and especially monkeys. He's bright. If you want him to say something don't ask. Just say it and 100% of the time he will repeat it. I've never seen a child have so much wonder in their eyes. He takes in everything, and he loves it all. He's going to be a good person. I know it in my heart. He's going to help people and go places.
Being an aunt is a surreal thing. It was yesterday that I was looking through the glass at this tiny little screaming baby. We all hovered around and took in every feature. At eight months pregnant the tears were streaming. My mind was racing through all those precious memories I had with Bree. All the late nights, barbies, and secret games. The petty fights and the meaningful make ups. This was her son. We always knew this day would happen, and it was here. My best friend had just had the best thing that will ever happen to her. I love him. He's not my own. He is something entirely different, and really I have no idea how to explain it. I would do anything for him just like my own. I love my own because they are mine. I love him because he is hers.
He is my sister's son. He is my nephew. He is my daughter's best friend. He has so many roles in his life that mean so very much to me. He's growing and becoming himself and as he grows his life becomes more intertwined in the rest of ours. As bitter sweet as a second birthday is it is a magical thing.
Happy Birthday Aiden. I am so excited for your life and the years to come.
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Wednesday, May 1, 2013
We're Back!
As I have said on here before Molly's toddler antics and Natalie's unsuccessful breastfeeding has really rocked my mama core. I have had feelings that I'm just not as good of a mom as I use to be. Dumb, but I've felt it. I do need to add that as time passes these feelings have faded. I've accepted that she is not at the breast. We have also found a discipline technique that works for M without being to harsh or too light. All and all things have been great around here. Having two has not been hard, but it has been an adjustment. I can say now that we are adjusted.
So in those doubting times I had made a decision to return to something familiar. Cloth diapers. I loved cloth diapering Molly. We went until about a year. I'm not really sure why we stopped. It wasn't hard. It wasn't gross. It just ended. At this point who cares, because she's been in underwear only the past month.
The fact that she is now potty trained probably made this decision a lot easier. We would only cloth diaper one. I would have two kids under two, but buy diapers for no one. That sort of thing. The biggest reason I decided to buy cloth diapers again was to feel like me. Not breastfeeding and having a baby made me feel like I wasn't myself. So I wanted to get back to something I believed in.
I had already sold all of Molly's old diapers so I got the fun task of buying new ones! This time I wanted something different. So I switched from Bum Genius to Alva. They have adorable prints. The price point is amazing. About $5.99 a diaper.
The diapers are adorable. From minky fabric to over the top Tokyo street fashion prints. I'm in love and so glad to be cloth diapering again!
So in those doubting times I had made a decision to return to something familiar. Cloth diapers. I loved cloth diapering Molly. We went until about a year. I'm not really sure why we stopped. It wasn't hard. It wasn't gross. It just ended. At this point who cares, because she's been in underwear only the past month.
The fact that she is now potty trained probably made this decision a lot easier. We would only cloth diaper one. I would have two kids under two, but buy diapers for no one. That sort of thing. The biggest reason I decided to buy cloth diapers again was to feel like me. Not breastfeeding and having a baby made me feel like I wasn't myself. So I wanted to get back to something I believed in.
I had already sold all of Molly's old diapers so I got the fun task of buying new ones! This time I wanted something different. So I switched from Bum Genius to Alva. They have adorable prints. The price point is amazing. About $5.99 a diaper.
The diapers are adorable. From minky fabric to over the top Tokyo street fashion prints. I'm in love and so glad to be cloth diapering again!
 |
| My tush feels amazing in this minky diaper! |
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The Beauty Of A Mother
When I first had Molly my grandma said to me "you are definitely a mother." I asked her why and she told me "because you are swaying back and forth and she isn't in your arms." We as mothers have an instinct in us and even subconsciously our bodies want to soothe and comfort our children.
Becoming a mother means bearing the unbearable pain of accidents, heart aches, sickness, and even punishments. Little do they know that punishing them in turn feels like such a punishment to us.
Being a mother makes women resort to a deep carnal state. I know humans are animals based on how I feel the second they are in danger or threatened. The hair on your neck stands up and just like my childhood Labrador so loyal and protective I am in a state that no person wants to cross. It's not just for our own children either. Us mothers form a group of wild dogs, bears, lioness or what have you and when any child is threatened by anything we become that carnal protector, because no women wants another women to feel what we fear ourselves.
When you have a child your life loses it's value and the value it holds to you is that it's what is keeping you with them. You wouldn't just die for your child. You would live your life in the worse pain so they would never have to feel it all. There is no hesitation. I would give my life, because my life is nothing without them.
Having a child means your heart is no longer yours. It is completely sealed within your children and surprisingly when there is more than one you grow another for them to have. It's why you keep them close. It's why the pain is too great when they get too far. It's why it's hard to breath when you think of them not being here.
Being a mother is trying to ground yourself in the fact that they must go out into the world some day and it's your job to prepare them. When all you want to do is hold on to them forever and guide each decision. I tell myself that although they will be gone one day and it will hurt. Seeing them stand on their own and live their lives on their own accord will be so rewarding.
A mother gets to truly know and understand the miracle of life. Unfortunately your partner just can't fully grasp what it's like to hold the feet of the baby that kicked your ribs in your hand. Your partner doesn't get that the fact your hand patting their bum and the recorded heart beat soothes them because of your own. Your partner doesn't get that feeling that I sacrificed my comfort and self to get you here and I would sacrifice so much more.
A mom is a vessel that carries a child from one world and into this life.
Without going into great detail one day Molly was severally constipated. She was shrieking in pain and hunched over. I knew it was right there, but she just couldn't. The pain it was causing her was heartbreaking, and I could see it on her face she needed help. So without a play by play I helped. There is only one other person in the world I would ever do that for, and her name is Natalie. While someone might gag at the stuff a mother has to do we don't think twice. When it comes to their comfort it far outweighs that of our own.
Being a mom means you get the most amazingly heart warming satisfaction of being the person who calms in only the way a mother can.
Although we don't have a secret handshake and of course there are cliques motherhood is a club. It's doing all the above and knowing that the other women would too. It's an unspoken bond that we should give each other more credit for than judging each other's approach. It's that knowing glance when a child is in a diaper in the store. The knowing glance while they are dragging behind you with a tight grip of your hand. It's being able to zone out all the other crying kids in the restaurant, because that was your kid last week. It's how our partners think we are crazy when we ask their name and age and compliment them a million times, because we want to know about the love of your life and we want to tell you about ours. It's not being bothered by your 500 pictures of their Easter egg hunt and hoping everyone looks through our own. It's saying "yay, congrats!!!!" when you post that your child just rolled over and is accompanied by an adorable video. Really it's just an awesome understanding that doesn't really need to be said, because it's just known.
To me the greatest thing about being a women is that I get to be the mom. Despite the fact that I never go to the bathroom alone and I have to pry Molly off my leg in the shower. Despite the fact that I can count how many times Adam has woken up at night on one hand. Despite the differences in how your lives change after I still would never give up the role of a mom. There is nothing more challanging, rewarding, gross, and beautiful in this life.
Becoming a mother means bearing the unbearable pain of accidents, heart aches, sickness, and even punishments. Little do they know that punishing them in turn feels like such a punishment to us.
Being a mother makes women resort to a deep carnal state. I know humans are animals based on how I feel the second they are in danger or threatened. The hair on your neck stands up and just like my childhood Labrador so loyal and protective I am in a state that no person wants to cross. It's not just for our own children either. Us mothers form a group of wild dogs, bears, lioness or what have you and when any child is threatened by anything we become that carnal protector, because no women wants another women to feel what we fear ourselves.
When you have a child your life loses it's value and the value it holds to you is that it's what is keeping you with them. You wouldn't just die for your child. You would live your life in the worse pain so they would never have to feel it all. There is no hesitation. I would give my life, because my life is nothing without them.
Having a child means your heart is no longer yours. It is completely sealed within your children and surprisingly when there is more than one you grow another for them to have. It's why you keep them close. It's why the pain is too great when they get too far. It's why it's hard to breath when you think of them not being here.
Being a mother is trying to ground yourself in the fact that they must go out into the world some day and it's your job to prepare them. When all you want to do is hold on to them forever and guide each decision. I tell myself that although they will be gone one day and it will hurt. Seeing them stand on their own and live their lives on their own accord will be so rewarding.
A mother gets to truly know and understand the miracle of life. Unfortunately your partner just can't fully grasp what it's like to hold the feet of the baby that kicked your ribs in your hand. Your partner doesn't get that the fact your hand patting their bum and the recorded heart beat soothes them because of your own. Your partner doesn't get that feeling that I sacrificed my comfort and self to get you here and I would sacrifice so much more.
A mom is a vessel that carries a child from one world and into this life.
Without going into great detail one day Molly was severally constipated. She was shrieking in pain and hunched over. I knew it was right there, but she just couldn't. The pain it was causing her was heartbreaking, and I could see it on her face she needed help. So without a play by play I helped. There is only one other person in the world I would ever do that for, and her name is Natalie. While someone might gag at the stuff a mother has to do we don't think twice. When it comes to their comfort it far outweighs that of our own.
Being a mom means you get the most amazingly heart warming satisfaction of being the person who calms in only the way a mother can.
Although we don't have a secret handshake and of course there are cliques motherhood is a club. It's doing all the above and knowing that the other women would too. It's an unspoken bond that we should give each other more credit for than judging each other's approach. It's that knowing glance when a child is in a diaper in the store. The knowing glance while they are dragging behind you with a tight grip of your hand. It's being able to zone out all the other crying kids in the restaurant, because that was your kid last week. It's how our partners think we are crazy when we ask their name and age and compliment them a million times, because we want to know about the love of your life and we want to tell you about ours. It's not being bothered by your 500 pictures of their Easter egg hunt and hoping everyone looks through our own. It's saying "yay, congrats!!!!" when you post that your child just rolled over and is accompanied by an adorable video. Really it's just an awesome understanding that doesn't really need to be said, because it's just known.
To me the greatest thing about being a women is that I get to be the mom. Despite the fact that I never go to the bathroom alone and I have to pry Molly off my leg in the shower. Despite the fact that I can count how many times Adam has woken up at night on one hand. Despite the differences in how your lives change after I still would never give up the role of a mom. There is nothing more challanging, rewarding, gross, and beautiful in this life.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
A PG Movie Has Me Rithinking My Parenting Techniques
Not even a very good one. Tonight Adam and I had our usual weekend date night in. This time the movie was Parental Guidance. Really not that good, but cute.
As mindless as it was it really got me thinking. I have obviously been shaken to my core by the toddler years. Attachment parenting was amazingly beautiful when Molly was a baby. For Natalie too, but now she needs more. This wild beast that I love so much needs more.
I was spanked. My grandparents raised their voices but not all the time. To me being yelled at was worse. Sometimes I catch myself in moments and think really Elise? You can't do better? I can. Just not with these tools I think I should be working with. I need some new tools, dang it!
The movie talked a lot about a sort of new age of parenting. Never saying don't or no. The grandparents felt kids needed it, and of course in the end with their tough love the kids were better behaved and all was well. So is this true? Do I forget the idea that I need to be the always calm soft spoken mom or do I learn better techniques to show my unruly toddler boundaries while fostering her independence?
I say the latter. See when Natalie was born it wasn't just bringing a baby home. It was a huge moment in all of our lives for so many reasons. Molly was near two. Natalie was a newborn and we were all adapting to the change. Some things were bound to change. Lessons were learned and I had to learn how to let things roll of my back. Like breastfeeding. That's being a mom. Adapting to the curve balls that you're perfectly unique children bring you. Like going from an angel to a toddler. (ok maybe angel is a bit of an exaggeration)
Most people have so many doubts with their first. Especially in the baby year. I was so opposite. When Molly was a baby I knew I was a good mom. I stood behind every choice and was proud. Now that's she's older the way I thought I would be or need to be just doesn't click for her free spirit. I struggle with feeling like I am a good mother to Natalie, because I don't nurse her. I struggle to feel like I'm a good mom to her when she needs to cry a little longer than Molly ever did. I struggle when I know she's in her swing while I'm with Molly when Molly never even had a swing. I struggle because my free spirited daughter needs more than a hushed voice, but I don't want to use a loud one.
So I've decided to dive deeper into the world of parenting techniques, because I don't want to doubt myself. I know I'm a good mom. If I wasn't I wouldn't even care to learn and grow for the sake of my children. I would be forcing them to grow and bend to me.
As she gets older I will always rely on my AP roots and answer her cries. I will always listen to what she is saying. As I type this she is still snuggled into our bed. Here are some books to help guide me to better nourish her drive for independence while keeping her boundaries firm.
I'm starting with 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan PhD . It came as a recommendation from a wonderful mother I know.
Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child by Robert J. Mackenzie will probably be next if need be.
This will definitely be read whether or not 1-2-3 Magic does the trick. This is The Playful Family by Shawn Ledington Fink. From the description it is about being a more meaningful parent and spend time as a family authentically. Which is something I think we need. You always hear about those awesome families that just sit around and play music and don't even own a TV.
I hope to get book one read soon, but a realistic time frame at this point in my life will be next year. Wish us luck!
As mindless as it was it really got me thinking. I have obviously been shaken to my core by the toddler years. Attachment parenting was amazingly beautiful when Molly was a baby. For Natalie too, but now she needs more. This wild beast that I love so much needs more.
I was spanked. My grandparents raised their voices but not all the time. To me being yelled at was worse. Sometimes I catch myself in moments and think really Elise? You can't do better? I can. Just not with these tools I think I should be working with. I need some new tools, dang it!
The movie talked a lot about a sort of new age of parenting. Never saying don't or no. The grandparents felt kids needed it, and of course in the end with their tough love the kids were better behaved and all was well. So is this true? Do I forget the idea that I need to be the always calm soft spoken mom or do I learn better techniques to show my unruly toddler boundaries while fostering her independence?
I say the latter. See when Natalie was born it wasn't just bringing a baby home. It was a huge moment in all of our lives for so many reasons. Molly was near two. Natalie was a newborn and we were all adapting to the change. Some things were bound to change. Lessons were learned and I had to learn how to let things roll of my back. Like breastfeeding. That's being a mom. Adapting to the curve balls that you're perfectly unique children bring you. Like going from an angel to a toddler. (ok maybe angel is a bit of an exaggeration)
Most people have so many doubts with their first. Especially in the baby year. I was so opposite. When Molly was a baby I knew I was a good mom. I stood behind every choice and was proud. Now that's she's older the way I thought I would be or need to be just doesn't click for her free spirit. I struggle with feeling like I am a good mother to Natalie, because I don't nurse her. I struggle to feel like I'm a good mom to her when she needs to cry a little longer than Molly ever did. I struggle when I know she's in her swing while I'm with Molly when Molly never even had a swing. I struggle because my free spirited daughter needs more than a hushed voice, but I don't want to use a loud one.
So I've decided to dive deeper into the world of parenting techniques, because I don't want to doubt myself. I know I'm a good mom. If I wasn't I wouldn't even care to learn and grow for the sake of my children. I would be forcing them to grow and bend to me.
As she gets older I will always rely on my AP roots and answer her cries. I will always listen to what she is saying. As I type this she is still snuggled into our bed. Here are some books to help guide me to better nourish her drive for independence while keeping her boundaries firm.
I'm starting with 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan PhD . It came as a recommendation from a wonderful mother I know.
Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child by Robert J. Mackenzie will probably be next if need be.
This will definitely be read whether or not 1-2-3 Magic does the trick. This is The Playful Family by Shawn Ledington Fink. From the description it is about being a more meaningful parent and spend time as a family authentically. Which is something I think we need. You always hear about those awesome families that just sit around and play music and don't even own a TV.
I hope to get book one read soon, but a realistic time frame at this point in my life will be next year. Wish us luck!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Getting Fit & My New Healthy Lifestyle
I don't think I've really been happy with my body since before I was married. It doesn't help that four months in I became pregnant with Molly. At that point I was at 150lbs, my heaviest, and at the end up to 192lbs. With her I got huge. Not just my belly, but everywhere. Natalie was a different story. With first trimester sickness I got down to 137lbs. It was a little sad because 135 had been my goal for so long and I knew I was going to lose it so quickly. So I promised myself this time I'd do better, and I did. I gained 24lbs with Natalie. I loved how I looked pregnant this time.
So here I am at 149lbs and not loving how I look. Here is the thing and I know I talk a lot about the role model I want to be and that's because I strongly feel like every parent should be concerned with the role model that they are. So to add to the list of things I don't want to be. I don't want to be the type of girl that always complains about how I look. Little kids pick up on more than you think. They hear you say how fat you are. They notice you pinching and pulling at your fat and looking down on yourself in the mirror. I don't want my daughter's to be those girls so I can't be that girl.
I don't want to be super skinny. I don't want to compare myself to all the other girls and long for what they have, because so many times they hate what they have too. I want to be the best me. Curves, saggy boobs, and all. I want to be healthy and I want to be fit.
I go from thinking I need to lose weight and get in shape to thinking I'm too hard on myself and I should be happy the way I am. I tell myself I don't look like I did four years ago, but I'm not who I was four years ago. Here is the thing, those are excuses I am feeding myself to make me feel like it's ok to live and eat the way I do. The hard part is breaking through that wall and I should have no excuses. I've overcome way more difficult things in my life than losing 10lbs. So the problem is laziness and it has to stop.
I've made some big changes these past weeks. Huge for me, because I am a junk food queen. I love all sweets and fast food. I can already feel a difference, and not because I can see a difference already. I can feel a difference, and not just because I am eating better, but because I am making positive choices for myself all around.
Last Friday I started the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I love it! It is so easy to do every day, because it's only twenty minutes of my time. I feel it and by the end I am sweating and warn down in just those twenty minutes. Along with that I am taking her cleanse and burn supplements. It's a 14 day pill system. I am still on the cleanse and detox pills. Not sure what the difference is yet.
As far as eating I started off with the Special K challenge. Two meal replacements and two snacks with one normal meal. I was starving, and I can't do this the rest of my life. So some very health conscious and intelligent girls in my fitness group advised me that the best way to lose weight is slowly and making changes you can live with. So my new plan is to use the Special K breakfast shake and cereal in a rotation. Although the past two days I've just had a banana with all natural peanut butter because we've been sleeping in.
For lunch I am rotating these three meals. A turkey dog on natural whole wheat bread and cottage cheese. A salad with cranberries and almonds and light raspberry vinaigrette and cottage cheese. A peanut butter (smuckers all natural) and jelly sandwich with special K cracker chips.
For smack I have bananas or apples. My other options are special k cracker chips, special k pastry delights, special k granola bars, and calorie right bites chocolate chip cookies. To replace Coke I've been drinking Cherry Coke Zero. It's really not bad.
So here I am at 149lbs and not loving how I look. Here is the thing and I know I talk a lot about the role model I want to be and that's because I strongly feel like every parent should be concerned with the role model that they are. So to add to the list of things I don't want to be. I don't want to be the type of girl that always complains about how I look. Little kids pick up on more than you think. They hear you say how fat you are. They notice you pinching and pulling at your fat and looking down on yourself in the mirror. I don't want my daughter's to be those girls so I can't be that girl.
I don't want to be super skinny. I don't want to compare myself to all the other girls and long for what they have, because so many times they hate what they have too. I want to be the best me. Curves, saggy boobs, and all. I want to be healthy and I want to be fit.
I go from thinking I need to lose weight and get in shape to thinking I'm too hard on myself and I should be happy the way I am. I tell myself I don't look like I did four years ago, but I'm not who I was four years ago. Here is the thing, those are excuses I am feeding myself to make me feel like it's ok to live and eat the way I do. The hard part is breaking through that wall and I should have no excuses. I've overcome way more difficult things in my life than losing 10lbs. So the problem is laziness and it has to stop.
I've made some big changes these past weeks. Huge for me, because I am a junk food queen. I love all sweets and fast food. I can already feel a difference, and not because I can see a difference already. I can feel a difference, and not just because I am eating better, but because I am making positive choices for myself all around.
Last Friday I started the Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I love it! It is so easy to do every day, because it's only twenty minutes of my time. I feel it and by the end I am sweating and warn down in just those twenty minutes. Along with that I am taking her cleanse and burn supplements. It's a 14 day pill system. I am still on the cleanse and detox pills. Not sure what the difference is yet.
As far as eating I started off with the Special K challenge. Two meal replacements and two snacks with one normal meal. I was starving, and I can't do this the rest of my life. So some very health conscious and intelligent girls in my fitness group advised me that the best way to lose weight is slowly and making changes you can live with. So my new plan is to use the Special K breakfast shake and cereal in a rotation. Although the past two days I've just had a banana with all natural peanut butter because we've been sleeping in.
For lunch I am rotating these three meals. A turkey dog on natural whole wheat bread and cottage cheese. A salad with cranberries and almonds and light raspberry vinaigrette and cottage cheese. A peanut butter (smuckers all natural) and jelly sandwich with special K cracker chips.
For smack I have bananas or apples. My other options are special k cracker chips, special k pastry delights, special k granola bars, and calorie right bites chocolate chip cookies. To replace Coke I've been drinking Cherry Coke Zero. It's really not bad.
So here I am in all my glory. My goals are to continue with my healthier diet plan, but not beat myself up when I indulge every now and then. Also to keep up with my exercise. Next time I post a picture like this I hope to look a lot different! (or at least a little)
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Potty Trained: child led and how it went down
I hate to think when I say my almost two (21 month old) is fully potty trained that people assume it was forced. Trust me we did not make her sit on her potty. She did not get in trouble for not going on the potty. Truthfully even with two in diapers potty training was not something I was looking forward to. I won't lie that I am slightly lazy. However Molly had other plans and potty training kind of fell into our laps.
It started at about 15 months when other moms I knew were buying potties to softly introduce. We went ahead and bought one too. There was never any making her sit down. She went on the potty the first time we got it out and we cheered and made a big deal over it. I swear you can teach this girl anything by clapping for her. Girl loves an audience.
A month went by and she would go any time we mentioned it without having to sit there for awhile. At this point it wasn't something I wanted to pursue 1) laziness and 2) Natalie was coming and I didn't want her to regress after her birth. So we just kind of let Molly take it where she wanted to.
Molly is a total nudist. She loves to be naked. As you can imagine that can be a little tough at her age. So about two weeks into her new naked craze she learned not to go on the floor. She would pee every single time and would hold poop till she had clothes on.
Once Natalie came home I figured that would be the true test if we would keep going or put a hold on it. A lot of kids will regress or want bottles and such but Molly seemed to want to set herself apart. Like she was the big girl and she could do all these things. Maybe because we would go on and on about how cool it was that she was so big and could do things and Natalie was so little. Who knows.
So then at 19 months she really got into the potty. She would tell us every time she had to pee and would sometimes pull her pants down herself. So I went ahead and bought pull ups. Not sure if I would recommend these or not. I think the best thing to do is really wait till they are ready and go to underwear. The reason being pull ups made her lazy. She would still have pees in pull ups, because she knew she could.
So this past week I told Adam no more pull ups. If she could stay dry the entire time with nothing on she could learn underwear. So we cut her off the pull ups and it took two days I would say till it really clicked.
Being out and about she really liked the big potty. Holding her over a potty is not the funnest thing in the world so I went ahead and got a potty ring and step stool. Now she pulls down her pants climbs up and down without even needing to tell us. We go everywhere in underwear and she sleeps naps and night time in underwear. It's kind of a trip to walk down the hall and catch her in the bathroom like this.
Before the potty ring she really didn't like to poop on the potty, but for some reason she has no problem going now. She had one poop accident since this potty and once she tried it the next time she hasn't had problems not wanting to go on it since.
It seems so weird, because I really did not expect for her to be potty trained at this point in time. It really was not something I had on my radar until two and a half maybe. This girl is fiercely independent though and she loves encouragement. I really feel like those two things play a big part in why she did it at this age.
I'm glad that we were able to keep this child led and that she didn't feel pressured to do so. I think readiness is so important when it comes to potty training your child. It's a huge step and a lot of dedication. As much as I don't miss buying diapers I do miss how easy long trips and the like were.
So here is our list of potty training items. Not that I'm some expert, because keep in mind this is the only potty training I have done as a parent.
This is the Summer Infant Step-By-Step Potty Trainer. It was a good first potty. We never put toilet paper on because that would be a nightmare. The wipes last about five seconds in the back so that didn't last long either. All in all it worked well. The only complaint is that it says you can use the soft ring on a regular toilet, but I think it's pretty small. Unless you toilet is smaller than average. It slid around and one time Molly fell in. Which was kind of funny and luckily funny to her too.
I used this potty chart for about a week. We stopped because she liked going regardless and I ran out of stickers. She found my stash and stuck them everywhere. So that was that. It's a free down loadable chart and comes in boys and girls. It was really cute and she did like to stick her sticker on it. At each lollipop they get a treat. I think anyways. That's what I assumed.
This is mainly a recommendation if you have a child who is younger than average potty training age or just smaller. Which Molly is both. We use the Fruit Of The Loom undies. We got all of hers at Walmart for a little over $5 for a six pack. She also has a set of Hello Kitty ones. Those are her favorite, of course. I tried to go a little cheaper Faded Glory pack so we could have more and they are swimming on her. This is all in the 2T-3T size range.
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