Thursday, February 14, 2013

When Breastfeeding Doesn't Come So Naturally

You would think my second time around I would have this down pat with no issues. Molly came out sucking and latched like a champ in seconds on her first try. Besides my nipples catching every possible thing that breastfeeding can lead to, it was a breeze. So when Natalie latched right on I thought I had hit the jack pot. No.

I realized that first night that she was a pretty lazy eater. She would nurse for a couple seconds and then pass back out. She did this on and off the whole night. That third day I was struggling with her latch. Which led me to decide to pump exclusively those first few days home. She just wasn't getting it. She could latch, but she didn't want to keep up the work.

About three days in to pumping Adam suggested I try again since she seemed more alert. It worked. Besides her getting bottles at night she was nursing really well. This was all until three days ago.
She does not want to latch to save her life. She flails around. She screams. She will latch for a couple seconds and then go back to panic. I'm at a loss. The second you give her a bottle she chugs the entire thing.

I'm sure this was my doing by giving her bottles. Why would she not want the easier route? Drinking from a bottle requires much less effort on her part with the same goods. Little does she know she's breaking my heart. Yes, I'll be that dramatic.

So I'm at a cross roads. I hate to say that I don't see how pumping will fit in to our daily life. It was hard enough when she nursed nonstop with M to care for also. I felt guilty for saying 'just a second honey' every five seconds because N was eating. I really don't see how pumping and then feeding a bottle every two hours will work. It was no big deal with nursing because I knew in time it would pass. This schedule would be the next year. That's time taken from both of them.

I know breast milk is best. I've been an advocate for breastfeeding and would be no matter what I fed my children. I can still advocate breastfeeding while feeding my child formula. I know this, but so much of me as a mom identifies myself as a breastfeeding mom. It's what I do.

So on one hand there is breast milk is the "healthier" option. There is the fact that M got it for 13 months. There is the fact that it's free. Umm hello! Word on the street is that you use two cans a week. That's $46!! To say I was shocked is putting it mildly.

Then there is the side that wants things simple so that I can relax and enjoy my girls. I just want an answer. Flopping at a boob is easy, but what do you do when it's not that easy? Making a bottle is easy. The past three days of pumping and making bottles and then feeding said bottle has not been easy. I have M looking at me waiting for me to get done only for me to go get a bottle to then feed her sister. Who granted already takes up a lot of time. Which is ok. Newborns take up a lot of time, but with this it's almost all my time. My toddler wants a drink. She wants to play. She needs to go potty. While I'm tied up in this every couple hour 45-60 minute ordeal. Which by the way when you have some place to be is not quite conducive with two children.

So that's my cross roads. If this girl doesn't start latching I just don't know which road to chose. I guess right now I'm trying to find the road laden with the least guilt.There is only one choice that I can't go back on, and that makes that choice pretty darn scary.

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