This Is Tough

I'm sitting here tears streaming looking back on Molly's hospital pictures. With her birthday just days away it's all so real now. It's hard for me to look back on my life and what led me to here. All the mistakes and bad choices.  How could so much pain lead me to this place of absolute joy? When you look at your baby it's so hard to comprehend how on earth you deserve this beautiful being.

Seeing Molly made all the pieces fit. Everything became clear in life. My purpose, my drive, my dreams. I can only believe that God has given this to me. The joy and love of being a parent is so pure that it could only be God.

There is nothing more beautiful than her smile. Nothing more warm than her hug and nothing more precious than her reaching for my finger to follow.

I remember it was our second day in the hospital and A and I were sitting in the chairs eating and M was sleeping on my chest. I looked down at her and she was so comfy and safe. She loved us just as much as we loved her. It hit me that every day will be this important. Every day with her has this much meaning. Every day is a step to her growing and I want to savor every second. So as this year comes to an end and I look back at all those days I hope they were as meaningful for her as they were for me. I hope I kept my patience and cherished her. I hope she knew every day we love her. I hope she went to bed every night knowing we were there.

Maybe that's what I love so much about attachment parenting. For me it allows me to show her every day that we are here and you are safe and loved.