Saturday, December 21, 2013


I think I have way too much on my mind and heart to even write this and make any sense. Before Molly turned a year she started to eat a lot of non food items. Mainly litter, lotions, and soap. At the time she had a doctor that wasn't very proactive. He told me her iron level was fine and she was just weird. Seriously his words. Fast forward and we switched doctors. There was a lull between her appointments since she's older, but at her new doctor I brought it up and he was concerned. This was about six months ago. It took awhile for them to get back with me and it seemed to tapper off a bit so we postponed. Till now.

I took her in this week because it was getting worse. It developed to other non food items, but just as frequent. I mean daily. There were other things going on too so I called to go in. He diagnosed her with pica and referred me to the children's hospital to find a cause. I was a little surprised when they gave me the number to the psychiatric department. So of course that night I googled the crap out of pica. There are some other causes of pica besides iron. I didn't know this or I would have pushed harder a long time ago. She has no delays or brain injuries so that's out. She doesn't have any rituals like OCD. She doesn't eat items that fall more towards iron. And then there is autism.

When I first read it I thought no way. I even told the women at children's mercy I just didn't see it. Then that night a ton of bricks just hit me. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me while the big picture came in to view. That next day I pretty much stalked my friend who also does parents as teachers with the girls. I called an old work friend who I worked with and managed her son's progress at head start when he was diagnosed. I told her all the things that were fitting together. If her son didn't do them they were asked about during his evaluation.

So I'm driving around like a crazy person with no direction trying to find her PAT rep because children's mercy is a six month wait and how the hell do you even wait that long? How do they expect that when she's eating glass!?

With their direction I've contacted First Steps, but it's holiday time. I'm going to try another hospital. I'm just going to try so I feel like I'm doing something during this damn wait.

Then every time I look something up and it's on there I feel this sinking feeling. When I read word for word something we see everyday. Because I know from experience she has more than enough signs. Because I know we have to pursue this and thank God if it's not, but I'm not going to live in denial either and say "she's just weird." It's the not knowing and then the deep down knowing something isn't right. Just waiting for someone to tell you what the answer is.

No matter what she's our perfect gift. I love her completely just the way she is. What makes me sick is not really what the future holds, but if it is this and people feeling sorry for us. I don't want that. I don't want them feeling sorry for her. There's nothing to be sorry about because no matter what is causing this and everything else she is perfect to me.