No Longer Breastfeeding

It's with a heavy heart that I write this. Really, I can't believe I'm about to. As quick as it will be to read this, it's taken me awhile to sort out what to say. I want to get it right, because it's important. It matters to me, and if God forbid one of my daughters wants to breastfeed but can't I want them to read the raw emotion that can sometimes come from that and know they are not alone.

I have gone back and forth between being ok and being crushed by guilt. I go back and forth on whether or not I gave up or if I made an intelligent choice that was truly best for our family. I will probably never know. I don't know what happened. I know that from the start Natalie has never been very interested in nursing. I know that she was not growing properly and very lethargic. I know she wasn't going to be a breastfed baby, but what I do know I gave up on his her being a baby that received breast milk. I didn't want to pump for nine months. I wanted to enjoy those nine months. So was it selfish? Would it be more selfish for her not to get breast milk the whole nine months or would it be more selfish to tie myself to her feedings and pumping. For both kids. I don't know.

I do know deep down that there was probably more I could have done, but I didn't.

My body feels empty. I feel like I have this infant, but my body doesn't quite understand now. Some times I feel like it's almost yearning to do what it knows it should be, but it's not. Then I sit and think wow this is so much different. It really is entirely different. No fumbling in public with her as she refuses to latch. No pump parts and hour long pumping sessions. No weight worries. It's just different. It's the first time in almost three years that I haven't been pregnant or breastfeeding. Is it different in a better way? No.

The thing is it's not just the guilt that gets to me. It's that who I am as a mother feels like it's been shaken. I am a breastfeeding mom. What happened to my goal of two years this time? I like a million different natural, attachment, pro breastfeeding pages. Every day I feel bombarded with facts I know. I agree with even still. Yet now all it does is fill me with overwhelming grief and guilt because I...gave up.

It's like with all that I do to fit into that crowd I feel like this outsider. How can I still be this pro breastfeeding advocate but not breastfeed. I feel like a phony.

So that's it. I feel like my body is empty. I feel useless sometimes to my child. I feel guilt. I feel like I no longer belong with the women I once strongly identified with. Then the next minute I feel fine.

I will probably never really be sure if I was one of those women that just couldn't get breastfeeding to be the best choice this round or if I just gave up. Either way it sucks.

Not the update I wanted

I wanted to write a positive update on breastfeeding, but it looks like I won't be for now. I just need some deep breaths and some thought gathering. I want to enjoy feeding Natalie. I want it to be like before with Molly. It just isn't. That's a hard thing to swallow.

I am this breastfeeding mom that wears my babies in slings and we all pile into one bed. Do those things really define me as a mother or is what defines me my love and attitude. Is what defines me the approach I take and the way that I listen. As Dr. Sears says the 7 baby Bs aren't all or nothing. Attachment parenting is your calm and instinctual approach to raising your children. Right now breastfeeding isn't feeling calm and its not instinctual. What is is doing what is absolute best for Natalie and I. So I am back to that cross roads where I don't know which is.

Yesterday I heard what no breastfeeding mother wants to hear. She isn't gaining weight. I think the news hit me like a ton of bricks. It took all the air out me even though deep down, I know. I know she's tiny. I know she doesn't want to eat often. I know she does better with a bottle.

So the answers he gave could be three things. I don't make enough. It's not fatty enough. She has been congested and can't eat as well. Yesterday I thought one of those answers could change everything and I could be fine to breastfeed. Two of them could make the choice formula. Today I don't even care, and I just want this to be enjoyable. I want her to gain weight. I want her congestion to be over. I want her to stop spitting up so much. I just don't want this worry. Is formula the answer to that? I guess I wouldn't know until it happened.

So for the past two days I've been pumping. In so much pain I can hardly bare it. See to add to all of this I have horrible thrush. Like no skin on my nipples thrush. Each time I pump it's just more gone. It is so extremely painful and I get a couple ounces.

So I'm sitting here thinking what am I doing this for? When does breastfeeding not become best? If this were Molly I would be beyond crushed. This time around is different though. I feel like this time I know breastfeeding doesn't completely define me. I know that slings and bed sharing and all of those things don't make me the mother I am. I know I am a damn good one without it. This time around I don't care what people think. I remember with Molly I was self conscious to feed her a bottle of pumped milk in public, because hey I breastfeed damnit! This time is just different. This time I have settled into my role as mom. I am who I am as far as all the fluff. Like what she eats and where she sleeps. I love her with all of me and every decision she is what is taken into account first. That is who I am as a mom.

Now if only I can be brave enough to face whatever emotions I have when I let this go and accept that it isn't really working.

When Breastfeeding Doesn't Come So Naturally

You would think my second time around I would have this down pat with no issues. Molly came out sucking and latched like a champ in seconds on her first try. Besides my nipples catching every possible thing that breastfeeding can lead to, it was a breeze. So when Natalie latched right on I thought I had hit the jack pot. No.

I realized that first night that she was a pretty lazy eater. She would nurse for a couple seconds and then pass back out. She did this on and off the whole night. That third day I was struggling with her latch. Which led me to decide to pump exclusively those first few days home. She just wasn't getting it. She could latch, but she didn't want to keep up the work.

About three days in to pumping Adam suggested I try again since she seemed more alert. It worked. Besides her getting bottles at night she was nursing really well. This was all until three days ago.
She does not want to latch to save her life. She flails around. She screams. She will latch for a couple seconds and then go back to panic. I'm at a loss. The second you give her a bottle she chugs the entire thing.

I'm sure this was my doing by giving her bottles. Why would she not want the easier route? Drinking from a bottle requires much less effort on her part with the same goods. Little does she know she's breaking my heart. Yes, I'll be that dramatic.

So I'm at a cross roads. I hate to say that I don't see how pumping will fit in to our daily life. It was hard enough when she nursed nonstop with M to care for also. I felt guilty for saying 'just a second honey' every five seconds because N was eating. I really don't see how pumping and then feeding a bottle every two hours will work. It was no big deal with nursing because I knew in time it would pass. This schedule would be the next year. That's time taken from both of them.

I know breast milk is best. I've been an advocate for breastfeeding and would be no matter what I fed my children. I can still advocate breastfeeding while feeding my child formula. I know this, but so much of me as a mom identifies myself as a breastfeeding mom. It's what I do.

So on one hand there is breast milk is the "healthier" option. There is the fact that M got it for 13 months. There is the fact that it's free. Umm hello! Word on the street is that you use two cans a week. That's $46!! To say I was shocked is putting it mildly.

Then there is the side that wants things simple so that I can relax and enjoy my girls. I just want an answer. Flopping at a boob is easy, but what do you do when it's not that easy? Making a bottle is easy. The past three days of pumping and making bottles and then feeding said bottle has not been easy. I have M looking at me waiting for me to get done only for me to go get a bottle to then feed her sister. Who granted already takes up a lot of time. Which is ok. Newborns take up a lot of time, but with this it's almost all my time. My toddler wants a drink. She wants to play. She needs to go potty. While I'm tied up in this every couple hour 45-60 minute ordeal. Which by the way when you have some place to be is not quite conducive with two children.

So that's my cross roads. If this girl doesn't start latching I just don't know which road to chose. I guess right now I'm trying to find the road laden with the least guilt.There is only one choice that I can't go back on, and that makes that choice pretty darn scary.

The Ugly Truth About America And Breastfeeding

Excuse me Ma'am, it offends me that my daughter can see your bottle.

Ma'am can you put a blanket over that? It's exposing me to things that I just CAN'T look away from.

Do these things sound ignorant, rude, and uncalled for? Why, yes. Do these things infringe on your rights? Why, yes. So is it too much of a stretch to say that it is rude, ignorant, uncalled for, and goes against my rights for you to ask me to do the same?

Since the TIME magazine cover and several other issues that people have brought up in the media lately I decided to add my two cents. There seems to be a lot of ignorant opinions when it comes to breastfeeding in this Country.

In our Country it's perfectly acceptable to see half naked women in the aisles of family stores, advertisments, and television. It is inappropriate and offensive to see a mother nurse without covers or a toilet stall, any child older than one or with teeth, and anyone who does so has thrown modesty out the window. Hmm...and some think ignorant is a harsh word to describe this.

In our country it is frowned upon to nurse in uniform, but several people commend this behavior in uniform.

In our country this is breaking news and called a "hot button issue"

So if that doesn't show how backwards some thinking is in this Country, I don't know what does. Luckily times have changed in this Country and there are laws to protect those who breastfeed. Unfortunately some still can't handle what breasts were made for versus what this Country has turned them into.

Top 10 Things I Love About Breastfeeding

While nursing my daughter last night and watching that oh so cute dribble of milk run down her cheek I thought this post needed to be written. I wanted to compile a list of the things I love most about breastfeeding. My hope is for those really tough days reading this will get someone through. There are so many reasons to continue breastfeeding even with all the reasons some may give to stop. See the freezer bag half full and that will do a world of good!

1. When she latches on to my nose, knee, belly, and elbow. M knows I am her source of nutrition. My body feeds her.
2. When she looks up at me and coos or smiles while nursing.
3. No matter what is wrong there is nothing that can sooth her like nursing. Even if she just ate. No binky can surpass a quick boob.
4. When you can feel your let down while nursing. It's this feeling of the milk you make passing through you into your sweet baby to fill their belly.
5. When your baby is all over the place and their mind is moving a mile a minute it's so nice to have them still and snuggled up close like the newborn days.
6. You don't have to cart around a million bottles. You don't have to clean a million bottles. Especially if you cloth diaper. You need all the diaper bag space you can get.
7. Getting to the point when you are proud to breastfeed in public and it's not something you are nervous to do.
8. When she crawls over, motions she wants up, gets to the boob, and holds it while nursing. How much can change in a matter of months.
9.  It's the middle of the night and she stirs in her sleep. I start to nurse her and she gently drifts off.
10. The accomplishment of doing something that wasn't always comfortable, easy, and maybe even readily available. In a world that is so big on having everything right now and only doing the pleasurable, breastfeeding had lost it's place. I accomplished a goal to breastfeed. I'm not done with that goal, but I feel satisfied knowing that I can do this. That the trouble is behind us.

Remember, It Gets Better.

I wish more women were told this at the beginning of their breastfeeding journey. I hate the mentality that 'if it hurts you're doing it wrong.' That's simply not true. M had a perfect latch from her first time at the breast, and guess what it still hurt. It's to be expected. You are going through a transition of having a baby at your breast for about thirty minutes every hour or so. Chances are there will be pain with that. What you need to remind yourself is that it does get better.

There are so many issues that can come out with breastfeeding that most women feel they should give up over. Please know that there are answers to most breastfeeding problems.

For pain in the beginning get a good cream whether it be lanolin or an all natural cream like Earth Mama Angel Baby. Ice packs are your friend. Place them over your nipples after feedings for some relief. One thing you'll probably notice is that showers will be painful on your nipples. I would try and face away from the stream as much as I could. Cover them with your arm if you have to face in.

Most women aren't prepared for what it is like for milk to come in. I know I wasn't. Each breast was probably 50lbs each. Try a heated wet rag or a Bed Buddy. I would lay mine over my chest in bed and throughout the day. Your Bed Buddy can also be put in the freezer for a cooling effect. During those first weeks I had to pump just so M could latch on. Which really is counter productive. Just know that the more you tell your body you need the more it's going to produce.

If you are dealing with low supply try an herbal supplement called fenugreek. You can get this herb alone or in a blend with other supplements that help milk supply. After getting my supply under control it dipped pretty low. I took Mother's Milk which includes goat's rue, blessed thistle, and other herbs. You can also get similar products in tea and drop form. You should also pump after each feeding to try and boost your supply. Nurse from each side. Until your supply is established make sure you are nursing or pumping frequently. At this point I can sleep seven hours without it effecting my supply. Using heat will also help your milk let down.

Most people wouldn't think having an oversupply could be an issue. It can be. Oversupply can cause fussiness, too much fore milk, gagging, and gas. I had this issue with M. She would clamp down on my nipple to control the flow and then pull away gagging. Her stools were often green from getting too much fore milk. To get your supply under control put down the pump and step away. It will hurt at first and you will be engorged. If it gets to be too uncomfortable hand express a small amount out for some relief. Block feed until your supply settles. This means only nursing one side each feeding. This will also help your baby get hind milk. If your let down is too strong lean back or lay down while nursing. Side nursing is my favorite position now.

You may come across milk blisters, especially if you are dealing with over supply. These a little blisters on your nipple that may appear white, clear, or yellow. Try soaking your nipple in an Epsom salt mix. I would take a bowl of warm water and add 2 teaspoons to a cup and soak. If you can break the skin over the blister. I used my clean hand. Try a wet compress and then nurse. You also need to find out what is the cause of your blisters. Think oversupply or yeast as examples.

For the dirty little 'M' word. I never dealt with mastitis, but I did have a plugged duct which is all I want to know of it. You may feel this as a hard lump in your breast. This could be further into your breast like mine or a block in the pore. I was pumping strings of milk. Yeah, it was sick. You can still nurse your baby on this side to clear the clog. I didn't want to so I just pumped that side until it was clear and the lump was gone. Plugged ducts can happen for several reason. Oversupply, infrequent nursing, ineffective suck or latch to name a few. Mastitis is an infection that occurs in the breast. You may notice red streaks on your breast and a more intense pain accompanying your plugged duct. You may experience flu like symptoms and a rise in temp. Message is your friend. A would laugh at me while I would massage my breast and moan with a big ole' heating pad laid across me. Use heat in the form of a shower, compress or soak. I loved each. Have you or your partner massage the breast. I felt best going in an upward motion if that makes sense. Nurse frequently and try pumping after each feeding. I read a good tip to lean forward or stand above your baby or pump. I would massage my breast while pumping. It took about 24 hours for the duct to clear in my case. If you suspect mastitis you should call your Doctor as soon as you start symptoms. They may want you to start antibiotics. I called, but they didn't suspect I had an infection and they were right.

Nursing in public can be a challenge for a lot of women. That is why I love to nurse in public to show women 'hey you can do this too.' If you want to try a cover there are many out there. Some with front wires to make it easier to look down at baby. M hates covers so that wasn't an option for us. I usually try to wear a tank top under my clothes. I'll leave it down and pull my breast over the tank. That's for my comfort so my stomach doesn't show. If you want to add cover place a burpie over the top of your breast and away from babies nose. Practice at home until you are comfortable with your nursing skill. By the time I nursed in public I had the process down from practice at home. You would be surprised how little others can see. Remember, it's your right. Nothing is more natural and beautiful than a mother nursing. I seriously question a person's mind who finds nursing to be offensive or sexual. If you don't want to nurse in public you can always take pumped bottles with you. Get a good cooler pack and you should be good for 24 hours. Remember breast milk can set at room temp for up to 10 hours. It's hard to mess that up. It's all about your comfort level. Just don't let public feeding determine whether or not you should breastfeed.



Breastfeeding is Love



I hope I've covered some of the common breastfeeding issues. I'll add more if I think of them. Just remember it does get better. Here we are pain free with no issues at the breast. You can do this. There are millions of women out there believing in you and cheering you on. I know it may not feel like it at times but you are not alone and you are meant to do this. It gets better!



My Nursing Must Haves

Breastfeeding can be tough in the first few weeks. Heck the first few months. M hit 8 weeks and all of a sudden a switch flipped and breastfeeding was second nature to us both. There was no more pain, my supply settled, and I became a pro at nursing in public. What I learned though is that there are some things that helped me get through the tough times. Here are my personal must haves for beating booby traps.

Welcome to Heaven. These are Earth Mama Angel Baby Boob Tubes. This is probably the product that saved me and my nursing relationship. They wrap perfectly around your nipple or breast. They heat up in the microwave and cool in the freezer. They are worth their weight in gold. So those are my three reasons why you need these. When my milk first came in it was like someone filled my boobs with cement. I would heat these up and wrap them around before bed and throughout the day. If you are having problems with letdown heat up and put on. When I had a clogged duct heat up and put on. When I had milk blisters heat up and put on. If you think that's amazing then listen to this. Frozen boob tube on your shriveled up raw nipples. Enough said.

Lather those puppies up. Even if your baby latches perfectly chances are it's still going to hurt in the first several weeks. You've got something sucking on your nipple about 12 hours of the day. It's not going to feel pleasant. So in the meantime until your nipples become leather and not even alligator clamps would hurt your going to need some lanolin.

Invest in a good pump. I was going to wait until I went back to work to get one. Luckily my husband talked me into getting one before M was born. The first thing I did was run to my pump when I got home from the hospital. I was so engorged M couldn't even latch. You never know what is going to happen with breastfeeding. You may need the nipple stimulation in order for them to perk up and become easier to latch. You may have too much fore milk and need to express some. You may be like me and need it for some relief. You may need to up your supply and pump after or in between sessions. You never know what will come your way and a good pump will help.

This is a nursing bra cami. It has made nursing in public so easy. If you're like me and you want to nurse without a cover but not show your stomach then this is perfect. It's a bra and tank top all in one. Just snap and pop your boob in your babies mouth. It's that simple. This one is by Bravado!. I have their nursing bras and they are amazing. The stretch material is so comfortable. Sometimes a good nursing bra is worth the splurge.

I have only used this next product a couple of times. I mainly bought it for pumping once I go back to work. This is the Simple Wishes Hands Free Nursing Bra. There have been times when I'm running late, need makeup, need hair, and need to pump. This is perfect for those times. It is probably the least attractive thing you will ever do. Strap this sucker on and continue what you're doing. When I go back to work I'll get two fifteen minute breaks to pump. I'll put this on and double pump while having my hands free. In fifteen minutes I can finish pumping IF I'm doing both at the same time.

You may think after reading all of this that breastfeeding must suck. I won't lie. In the beginning it can be hard. There will be things that trip you up. Whether it's discomfort, supply, or public opinion. Just know that breastfeeding will be the most rewarding and beneficial thing you ever do. Looking back on the past 12 weeks I feel like I've accomplished something. I stuck it out and endured the hardships for my daughter. I wanted her to have the best start she could have so I sacrificed my comfort and time to give that to her. It might take a bit of time, but you will come to love your relationship with breastfeeding.

The Benefits Of Extended Breastfeeding

There is no doubt that any amount of time you can breastfeed your baby is valuable. What most people aren't aware of are the tremendous benefits of extended breastfeeding. Statistics say that 75% of women start breastfeeding, 43% are breastfeeding at six months, and 22% are breastfeeding at one year. The number one response I hear from people when I tell them I want to breastfeed M for at least two years is that it's weird. Unfortunately this is a pretty common opinion. I feel like most people feel this way because they aren't aware of the benefits. Many women know that breast is best, but do they know why?

• Breastfed children have fewer illnesses and illnesses of shorter durations.
• World Health Organization, "a modest increase in breastfeeding rates could prevent up to 10% of all deaths of children under five: Breastfeeding plays an essential and sometimes underestimated role in the treatment and prevention of childhood illness."
• Studies have shown that one of the best ways to prevent allergies and asthma in children is to breastfeed for at least six months.
• Research has been done to show the link between cognitive achievement and children who were breastfed for long periods of time. These include IQ scores and school grades. It was found that children who were breastfed had an average of ten higher IQ points.
• "Breastfeeding is a warm and loving way to meet the needs of toddlers and young children. It not only perks them up and energizes them; it also soothes the frustrations, bumps and bruises, and daily stresses of early childhood. In addition, nursing past infancy helps little ones make a gradual transition to childhood." Elizabeth N. Baldwin, Esq. in
• Breastfeeding babies prevents obesity. Even in infancy, breastfed babies as a group are leaner than their formula-fed peers.
• Breastfed babies have better jaw alignment and are less likely to need orthodontic work as they get older.
• Some researchers believe that breastfeeding during infancy may lower the risk of heart attacks and strokes in later life.
• Babies who are breastfed are less likely to develop type 1 diabetes mellitus during childhood.
• Lowered risk of multiple sclerosis.

There are also many benefits for the mother. Breastfeeding truly is the gift that keeps on giving!

• Reduces the risk of breast cancer.
• Reduces the risk of uterine and ovarian cancer.
• Lesser rate of osteoporosis.
• Studies show that breastfeeding mothers show less postpartum anxiety and depression than do formula-feeding mothers.
• Promotes postpartum weight loss.
• Breastfeeding reduces the risk of rheumatoid arthritis

These are a couple links that will give even more information on the benefits of breastfeeding. Click here and here. I tried to look up the advantages of formula feeding to add to this, but could not find any. I'm not bashing formula, but the info just isn't out there. All I could find were the benefits of breast milk over formula. There are certainly situations were formula can be a life save for mothers. Just know that in the beginning it may not be easy, but it is so worth it. I would also like to add that there are many milk banks out there. Many mother's will donate their breast milk and some for a fee.

‎"Bottles fill his stomach but breastfeeding fills his soul." - Diane Weissinger

 

"Parents and health professionals need to recognize that the benefits of breastfeeding (nutritional, immunological, cognitive, emotional) continue as long as breastfeeding itself does, and that there never comes a point when you can replace breast milk with infant formula, cows' milk or any other food, or breastfeeding with a pacifier or teddy bear, without some costs to the child."
KA Dettwyler, "Beauty and the Breast" from Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives, 1995, p. 204.

Sun Magic (The Scoop On Poop)

If you are breastfeeding I'm sure you've realized by now that your little bundle pees poop. They probably will until they are on solid foods. Ideally a breastfed babies stool should be runny and yellow. If it is green then they are most likely getting too much fore milk and not enough hind milk. That can happen if you have an oversupply. Off topic, but a tip for that is to hand express or pump a small amount before putting your baby to the breast. That way they can get more of the hind milk(the good stuff). Any who that runny yellow stuff may be an easy wipe up, but it is most definitely not an easy wash up. I'm talking stains. M was down to about one pair of socks without stains before I learned the power of the sun.

It was getting time to cloth diaper her since she was almost 10lbs and it hit me that these things will be sick with stains. It took twenty socks to realize 'hey this isn't coming out.' So I looked around for ideas on how to remove poop stains. This is good for formula fed babies as well. Poop is poop. The sun is a natural bleach. It is seriously magic. It does what bleach and detergent can't. I know this because once a month you need to throw in some bleach with your wash to fight odors. It does nothing for poop stains.

So here is what you do, and it's so simple I can do it. Buy a drying rack or clothes line. I chose drying rack because my husband didn't want a clothes line to deal with. Plus he thinks they are trashy. I think they look old school and environmentally friendly. I got a drying rack from Wal Mart for $9. You can find it here: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-23.5-Drying-Rack/15819208 It's rated three stars. There's a reason for that. It sucks. Set whichever one you chose up where it will get direct sunlight. Let them dry. That's it. Watch your pesky poop stains magically fade.

A Day In The Park

Today was beautiful. The weather was perfect and in the shade it was even better. My sister and I decided to take the babies to the park for a picnic. M is lovin' her cousin who is a couple months older than her. Well really she usually makes him cry by having her hands on him. The day was awesome. We got sandwiches and headed to the park to lay out some blankets. My sister read books to the babies and we just hung around and talked. We took them over to the swings and luckily we both fit on them. They love being outside. I usually take M out on our porch if it's nice out to read. She likes being out there and it's a nice change from reading and doing things indoors. I also like to walk around with her and point out what we see. I try to be descriptive by naming things by color and amount. Like 'Look at the the red truck.' It's never too early to start this.

Here is the best part of the day. I nursed in the park! Uncovered and in all it's glory. I loved it. It felt so freeing. M loved it. Well who knows, but it seemed like it. Granted I'll be a little more discreet in a restaurant, but it was an awesome first step. I want to share a picture, because I love it and I'm proud. It was so natural and so right. I am breastfeeding hear me roar!

Too Much Milk

You don't hear much about women who have too much milk. Most women wouldn't even see how it could be a problem. My heart goes out to women dealing with low supply. I can't imagine how frustrating that would be. On the flip side over supply sucks too. To date the largest amount I've pumped in one session is 18oz. W.T.F. I've had clogged ducts, milk blisters, major leakage, and daily engorgement. My freezer is packed. I only use pumped milk at night and it goes out of date before I can get to it. So most of the time I end up dumping perfectly good milk down the drain. Which I hate when I'd rather be donating. All of this while having her on the breast.

What sucks the most is how it affects M. My letdown is too much for her. She gags and spits up and later vomits. After doing some research I've found that this is common with women who have over supply. She also clamps down on my nipple which I've read is her way of slowing down that flow. Needless to say, it hurts.

To help with these issues we are going to work on the football hold. This is suppose to slow down the flow of the milk making it easier for baby to handle. We've been nursing lying down this past week just to switch it up. Lying down also makes the flow easier to take. So we will continue with that at home.

These things won't help my supply, but hopefully they help M. Breastfeeding isn't always a walk in the park. Whether you have too little or too much there are challenges. Try not to get discouraged. There are answers if you look for them. Nursing M is the most amazing thing. It's a gift I love to give her. Even if it sucks sometimes for me.

Boobs Are For Babies

Lately I've been working on my nursing in public skills. At first I was pumping and bringing along bottles when we went out in public. Then I got pissed at myself for catering to the needs of people who I don't agree with. Why should I care if I offend you when you have no reason to be offended? To me boobs are for babies. You wouldn't get offended if some girl trotted in with a barely there tank top on. So why are you offended when you can see the back of my babies head in front of my breast?

So I bought a cover. Well first I bought this little strap that clips to any blanket to become a cover. It was cheap so I figured why not. I tried and tried at home to get that piece of crap to work, but it ended in me throwing it across the room and crying. Guess my hormones were still up? My next attempt was a cover from Target that I had high hopes for. It had a wire in the front so it would stick out and allow me to still see M. Well so it claimed. Not so much. She would thrash and cry and break latch. That's about all that was good for. I actually did nurse in public a couple times with it and ended up in the bathroom each time. Sitting on the public toilet with my pants up with people knocking to get in. Lovely.

Still I refused to pump and bottle. So this week has been a turning point. No more bottles. No more covers. Nursing shirts seem to be impossible to find. They are either a fortune or poorly reviewed. So it is what it is and I'm nursing in public. If you don't like it don't look. If it offends you then I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you have been so mislead by society that you feel you should be offended.

It's my right to nurse in public. I feel it's my daughter's right to eat without being covered by a sheet where she is snorting for air. It's her right to not have to eat in a bathroom. It's her right to have what she wants which is a boob not a bottle! So join me in burning your covers!