You would think my second time around I would have this down pat with no issues. Molly came out sucking and latched like a champ in seconds on her first try. Besides my nipples catching every possible thing that breastfeeding can lead to, it was a breeze. So when Natalie latched right on I thought I had hit the jack pot. No.
I realized that first night that she was a pretty lazy eater. She would nurse for a couple seconds and then pass back out. She did this on and off the whole night. That third day I was struggling with her latch. Which led me to decide to pump exclusively those first few days home. She just wasn't getting it. She could latch, but she didn't want to keep up the work.
About three days in to pumping Adam suggested I try again since she seemed more alert. It worked. Besides her getting bottles at night she was nursing really well. This was all until three days ago.
She does not want to latch to save her life. She flails around. She screams. She will latch for a couple seconds and then go back to panic. I'm at a loss. The second you give her a bottle she chugs the entire thing.
I'm sure this was my doing by giving her bottles. Why would she not want the easier route? Drinking from a bottle requires much less effort on her part with the same goods. Little does she know she's breaking my heart. Yes, I'll be that dramatic.
So I'm at a cross roads. I hate to say that I don't see how pumping will fit in to our daily life. It was hard enough when she nursed nonstop with M to care for also. I felt guilty for saying 'just a second honey' every five seconds because N was eating. I really don't see how pumping and then feeding a bottle every two hours will work. It was no big deal with nursing because I knew in time it would pass. This schedule would be the next year. That's time taken from both of them.
I know breast milk is best. I've been an advocate for breastfeeding and would be no matter what I fed my children. I can still advocate breastfeeding while feeding my child formula. I know this, but so much of me as a mom identifies myself as a breastfeeding mom. It's what I do.
So on one hand there is breast milk is the "healthier" option. There is the fact that M got it for 13 months. There is the fact that it's free. Umm hello! Word on the street is that you use two cans a week. That's $46!! To say I was shocked is putting it mildly.
Then there is the side that wants things simple so that I can relax and enjoy my girls. I just want an answer. Flopping at a boob is easy, but what do you do when it's not that easy? Making a bottle is easy. The past three days of pumping and making bottles and then feeding said bottle has not been easy. I have M looking at me waiting for me to get done only for me to go get a bottle to then feed her sister. Who granted already takes up a lot of time. Which is ok. Newborns take up a lot of time, but with this it's almost all my time. My toddler wants a drink. She wants to play. She needs to go potty. While I'm tied up in this every couple hour 45-60 minute ordeal. Which by the way when you have some place to be is not quite conducive with two children.
So that's my cross roads. If this girl doesn't start latching I just don't know which road to chose. I guess right now I'm trying to find the road laden with the least guilt.There is only one choice that I can't go back on, and that makes that choice pretty darn scary.
I am your parent. you are my child. I am your quiet place. you are my wild.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Mother Of Two And A Whole Lot Of Guilt
The day I became a mother of two was a day I will never forget. It's also a day I'm sure I will go over with my girls time and time again for many reasons. I wish my mother was with me to guide me through that day and the following days as I am sure I will with them. That second child is such an emotional thing. Maybe not the same for all, but for me there were so many nerves, so much doubt, so much guilt, but so so much love.
I remember my nurse telling me about all the things that were about to happen. Walking down the hall, getting the spinal block, the pressure I'd feel, and all that good stuff. "Right now? We're doing this right now?" I responded. Yes. Right now.
Right now was something I had anticipated and dreaded all at the same time. It was time. I was going to have two kids. Would I be as good as a mom? Would the love be the same? Would there be enough? I had so many worries and guilty emotions my whole pregnancy. Now I was about to meet the little one that had been kicking me. That had been so innocently brought into this world, and here I am worried that I will love her like I love her sister. She being just as worthy of our love and I'm worried will I miss our times as three? I can't even begin to express the guilt that came along with those emotions. How could I feel this way? How could I worry about the love I will have for this innocent life that I created.
Well let me tell you. It was a stupid worry. I saw her face and there was no worry in sight. No question as to whether or not my love for her equaled that of her sisters. They laid her next to my cheek and there was that soft skin feeling. That first kiss on that fresh cheek. The first look into each other's eyes. That knowing feeling that you are mine and I am yours and nothing will come between that as long as I'm living. I am your mom.
If only the guilt and worry stopped there. The next three days were not what they were with M. Which of course caused me guilt. Instead of being wrapped up in my little love I was also worried about her sister. Was she ok? Did she understand all of this at all? Would she forgive me for being gone these three days? So I laid there in my hospital bed with guilt for my new daughter who was not getting every ounce of my attention and focus and guilt for my oldest who was no longer going to get every ounce of my attention and focus like before.
Finally home and of course the guilt and worry will be gone, right? No. Every little action was over analyzed. Every cry. Every thrown toy. Every fit. She's hurt by her new life. She isn't adjusting. I've hurt the feelings of my so very loved toddler. Let me tell you from what I hear I don't have it bad. M really adjusted pretty well. She didn't start peeing all over things. She didn't steal binkies and bottles. She didn't wake up a million times. She hardly cried. Still every little thing I took to heart and it killed me. It killed me to think that I hurt her by bringing home N. Bring on the guilt!
Here's the thing. Bringing home a sibling is probably never easy. Whether they're 9 months, 18 months, or five years apart. Someone told me something very true about a new sibling. M is my toddler. I know her on a different level than I knew her those first weeks. Our relationship is something different and a year from now it will be too. N is my newborn. We are learning each other and in 18 months our relationship will also be totally different. So there is no guilt in having those two very different relationships. The love is just as great. It's just as strong. It's just different.
Three weeks in and we are really getting in our grove. The three of us go places. We have some what of a routine for a mom who doesn't believe in structured schedules. We are learning what it is to be parents of two children and how to find that balance. If the guilt sets in I tell myself something I personally know to be very true. The best thing I could ever give these two is each other.
I remember my nurse telling me about all the things that were about to happen. Walking down the hall, getting the spinal block, the pressure I'd feel, and all that good stuff. "Right now? We're doing this right now?" I responded. Yes. Right now.
Right now was something I had anticipated and dreaded all at the same time. It was time. I was going to have two kids. Would I be as good as a mom? Would the love be the same? Would there be enough? I had so many worries and guilty emotions my whole pregnancy. Now I was about to meet the little one that had been kicking me. That had been so innocently brought into this world, and here I am worried that I will love her like I love her sister. She being just as worthy of our love and I'm worried will I miss our times as three? I can't even begin to express the guilt that came along with those emotions. How could I feel this way? How could I worry about the love I will have for this innocent life that I created.
Well let me tell you. It was a stupid worry. I saw her face and there was no worry in sight. No question as to whether or not my love for her equaled that of her sisters. They laid her next to my cheek and there was that soft skin feeling. That first kiss on that fresh cheek. The first look into each other's eyes. That knowing feeling that you are mine and I am yours and nothing will come between that as long as I'm living. I am your mom.
If only the guilt and worry stopped there. The next three days were not what they were with M. Which of course caused me guilt. Instead of being wrapped up in my little love I was also worried about her sister. Was she ok? Did she understand all of this at all? Would she forgive me for being gone these three days? So I laid there in my hospital bed with guilt for my new daughter who was not getting every ounce of my attention and focus and guilt for my oldest who was no longer going to get every ounce of my attention and focus like before.
Finally home and of course the guilt and worry will be gone, right? No. Every little action was over analyzed. Every cry. Every thrown toy. Every fit. She's hurt by her new life. She isn't adjusting. I've hurt the feelings of my so very loved toddler. Let me tell you from what I hear I don't have it bad. M really adjusted pretty well. She didn't start peeing all over things. She didn't steal binkies and bottles. She didn't wake up a million times. She hardly cried. Still every little thing I took to heart and it killed me. It killed me to think that I hurt her by bringing home N. Bring on the guilt!
Here's the thing. Bringing home a sibling is probably never easy. Whether they're 9 months, 18 months, or five years apart. Someone told me something very true about a new sibling. M is my toddler. I know her on a different level than I knew her those first weeks. Our relationship is something different and a year from now it will be too. N is my newborn. We are learning each other and in 18 months our relationship will also be totally different. So there is no guilt in having those two very different relationships. The love is just as great. It's just as strong. It's just different.
Three weeks in and we are really getting in our grove. The three of us go places. We have some what of a routine for a mom who doesn't believe in structured schedules. We are learning what it is to be parents of two children and how to find that balance. If the guilt sets in I tell myself something I personally know to be very true. The best thing I could ever give these two is each other.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Heavy Hearts
Today is a blurry numb day. As it is for most of the country. To say that the heartless shooting that occurred yesterday was a tragedy is putting it mildly. I don't think we have a word for it.
A parent's love for their child is something that you can only fully grasp when you become a parent. When you see your baby for the first time your life's meaning makes such a monumental shift. Your purpose is now to protect, love, and nurture this innocent life. I think every parent has a deep fear of the possible time where they may not be able to protect that innocent life.
It is a completely unnatural thing for a parent to outlive a child. Yet it happens every day. I can't imagine a more empty room than that of a child lost. No bigger hole left in your heart. There couldn't be a more terrible silence then the silent home that no longer has their child.
To know your child was afraid and alone. To know they wanted you, but you couldn't be there. It's gut wrenching. It just shouldn't be. It's hard to understand that this was the life plan for these beautiful children.
Every person in this country is grieving for the lives lost. My heart is just breaking for these families. It's breaking for the survivors. I can't stop thinking about the gifts under the trees. The excitement that children wake up with every day. The little quarks and laughs that fill a home. All gone out of these parent's life. What step do you take after such a loss?
For the rest of us. Pray. These people need prayers, support, and love. What we can do is not the response of hold your children tight tonight. Hold them tight every night. Don't stress when it's the third time they've been up that night. Don't get angry when they have been crying all day. Don't let yourself be bothered when they need you over and over again. Enjoy the loud noises, messy floors, and daily grind of parenthood. Twenty families went to bed last night without the most precious thing in their lives. Twenty families are grieving for those loud noises and hassles. As much as life changes and becomes a harder thing when you have a child. The changes that come with no longer having them is beyond imaginable. I think millions of parent's have realized this yesterday.
A parent's love for their child is something that you can only fully grasp when you become a parent. When you see your baby for the first time your life's meaning makes such a monumental shift. Your purpose is now to protect, love, and nurture this innocent life. I think every parent has a deep fear of the possible time where they may not be able to protect that innocent life.
It is a completely unnatural thing for a parent to outlive a child. Yet it happens every day. I can't imagine a more empty room than that of a child lost. No bigger hole left in your heart. There couldn't be a more terrible silence then the silent home that no longer has their child.
To know your child was afraid and alone. To know they wanted you, but you couldn't be there. It's gut wrenching. It just shouldn't be. It's hard to understand that this was the life plan for these beautiful children.
Every person in this country is grieving for the lives lost. My heart is just breaking for these families. It's breaking for the survivors. I can't stop thinking about the gifts under the trees. The excitement that children wake up with every day. The little quarks and laughs that fill a home. All gone out of these parent's life. What step do you take after such a loss?
For the rest of us. Pray. These people need prayers, support, and love. What we can do is not the response of hold your children tight tonight. Hold them tight every night. Don't stress when it's the third time they've been up that night. Don't get angry when they have been crying all day. Don't let yourself be bothered when they need you over and over again. Enjoy the loud noises, messy floors, and daily grind of parenthood. Twenty families went to bed last night without the most precious thing in their lives. Twenty families are grieving for those loud noises and hassles. As much as life changes and becomes a harder thing when you have a child. The changes that come with no longer having them is beyond imaginable. I think millions of parent's have realized this yesterday.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Lately
I've been doing my best to keep us busy these past couple weeks. I'm not sure if I'm trying to speed things up for Natalie or if I'm trying to savor every moment where things are just a little bit easier. There are so many moments in the day where I think 'wow how do you do this with two?' How do I get to the car? How do I get out of the car? What shopping cart can house my wild toddler and tiny newborn? Will I ever go out to eat again? Will we ever bathe?
I have a few plans which could all be wishful thinking. Plan of attack 1) Do almost everything on the floor. Nurse Natalie, change Natalie, and let her play on the floor. My hopes are that being on the floor even though tied up in her care makes Molly feel like we are all together and some focus is on her. I can interact with her and she can help in the care. Plan of attack 2) Molly and I have finally settled into an awesome bath routine. Basically she showers with me. I get out and fill the tub. She plays while I do my hair and make up. So either Natalie will be in a bouncer in the bathroom or I'll be investing in a water sling. My vote is for water sling, but my husband would probably say different.
As for getting to the car. Who knows. I guess the mobile one goes first. Then I come back for Natalie? At this point I grocery shop on Sundays and Molly stays home with dad. I would have never thought my one hour of amazing me time would be my grocery trip. Some weekends this doesn't happen though. In those cases I am that mom with my kid in the cart stepping all over the food. Just today I bought a busted open banana. In this instance my guess is Molly gets the cart and Natalie will be in my amazingly coveted rainbow girasol wrap.(drool)
When I sit and think about all these scenarios and tell myself all these solutions it really helps with the worry. Then someone comes along and tells me how impossibly hard having two kids is and I start to think I'm an idiot. None of these will help and my life will be total chaos. However crazy it gets I can't imagine having double the love that I have for M. It's beyond comprehension, and I think just like the first you have to experience having the second to truly understand what it's like. The love, the chaos, and all the stuff in between.
So we've been going, crafting, playing, and having fun. Here are some priceless works of art by Molly.
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I have a few plans which could all be wishful thinking. Plan of attack 1) Do almost everything on the floor. Nurse Natalie, change Natalie, and let her play on the floor. My hopes are that being on the floor even though tied up in her care makes Molly feel like we are all together and some focus is on her. I can interact with her and she can help in the care. Plan of attack 2) Molly and I have finally settled into an awesome bath routine. Basically she showers with me. I get out and fill the tub. She plays while I do my hair and make up. So either Natalie will be in a bouncer in the bathroom or I'll be investing in a water sling. My vote is for water sling, but my husband would probably say different.
As for getting to the car. Who knows. I guess the mobile one goes first. Then I come back for Natalie? At this point I grocery shop on Sundays and Molly stays home with dad. I would have never thought my one hour of amazing me time would be my grocery trip. Some weekends this doesn't happen though. In those cases I am that mom with my kid in the cart stepping all over the food. Just today I bought a busted open banana. In this instance my guess is Molly gets the cart and Natalie will be in my amazingly coveted rainbow girasol wrap.(drool)
When I sit and think about all these scenarios and tell myself all these solutions it really helps with the worry. Then someone comes along and tells me how impossibly hard having two kids is and I start to think I'm an idiot. None of these will help and my life will be total chaos. However crazy it gets I can't imagine having double the love that I have for M. It's beyond comprehension, and I think just like the first you have to experience having the second to truly understand what it's like. The love, the chaos, and all the stuff in between.
So we've been going, crafting, playing, and having fun. Here are some priceless works of art by Molly.
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| Just because I love sleeping pictures. |
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Fit
I had one goal in mind when I found out I was pregnant with Natalie. Do not eat everything in sight. This is easier said than done. I've never been one to follow a really healthy lifestyle. I hate to admit that, but it's true. Having a toddler means I have to make veggies. I have to serve fruit. I can't feed her happy meals every night. So in those regards I have been kept in check. However I can't say that I wouldn't hide behind something and stuff myself with Oreos.
When I was pregnant with Molly I ate everything. I overly indulged in any craving at any time. I also gained 40lbs. Which in the world of pregnancy isn't too bad, but it is when you're 5'2" and "overweight" to begin with. This time I wanted to do better. I wanted to hold myself accountable and eat healthy. I'm not the best at meeting goals. Really I'm pretty bad about seeing things through. I know this post is full of good thoughts. So I didn't set my hopes high that I would actually do this.
In the first four months I lost 7lbs. I was sick and didn't really desire much of anything. So by the time I started to gain I was 137lbs. It had been awhile since I'd seen that shiny number. Part of me was upset that I had finally gotten down to a goal weight ( thanks to morning sickness) and I would only be gaining it back again. Wah. I can say lucky for me the cravings this time have been different. I want milk, applesauce, and salad. Can this just stay forever?
So two weeks ago I went into the doctor and stripped my boots, belt, earrings. Kidding, but I do take off my shoes despite the nurse's odd looks. Every bit counts lady! To my surprise my doctor commended me on good weight gain. So far 18lbs. This lit a fire. I can do this?! Yes we can!
So with the help of the most useful app of all time, My Fitness Pal, I have been obsessively tracking my calories and sodium intake for the past two weeks. No, I'm not cutting calories. I'm just making sure I don't eat 5,000 a day. I want low sodium, because with Molly I swelled so much in the end. I was informed I ate too much sodium and carbs. Umm...what else is there?
Counting calories is seriously amazing. I know that sounds crazy. It holds me accountable. It's something visual I can look at. I eat so much better now that I realize what two oreos or a 5 layer burrito means to my daily intake.
As of this week I have lost 2lbs since my appointment a week ago. Not my intent, but it's not the end of the world. I'll make it up I'm sure. Now my total gain is 16lbs with about 6 weeks to go. I can do this! I just want to be healthy. I want a healthier start once she is here. Hopefully it won't be hard to get off with the help of this addictive app and breastfeeding. Maybe I'll even throw in a couple walks.
When I was pregnant with Molly I ate everything. I overly indulged in any craving at any time. I also gained 40lbs. Which in the world of pregnancy isn't too bad, but it is when you're 5'2" and "overweight" to begin with. This time I wanted to do better. I wanted to hold myself accountable and eat healthy. I'm not the best at meeting goals. Really I'm pretty bad about seeing things through. I know this post is full of good thoughts. So I didn't set my hopes high that I would actually do this.
In the first four months I lost 7lbs. I was sick and didn't really desire much of anything. So by the time I started to gain I was 137lbs. It had been awhile since I'd seen that shiny number. Part of me was upset that I had finally gotten down to a goal weight ( thanks to morning sickness) and I would only be gaining it back again. Wah. I can say lucky for me the cravings this time have been different. I want milk, applesauce, and salad. Can this just stay forever?
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| As you can see I have a sugar problem. |
So with the help of the most useful app of all time, My Fitness Pal, I have been obsessively tracking my calories and sodium intake for the past two weeks. No, I'm not cutting calories. I'm just making sure I don't eat 5,000 a day. I want low sodium, because with Molly I swelled so much in the end. I was informed I ate too much sodium and carbs. Umm...what else is there?
Counting calories is seriously amazing. I know that sounds crazy. It holds me accountable. It's something visual I can look at. I eat so much better now that I realize what two oreos or a 5 layer burrito means to my daily intake.
As of this week I have lost 2lbs since my appointment a week ago. Not my intent, but it's not the end of the world. I'll make it up I'm sure. Now my total gain is 16lbs with about 6 weeks to go. I can do this! I just want to be healthy. I want a healthier start once she is here. Hopefully it won't be hard to get off with the help of this addictive app and breastfeeding. Maybe I'll even throw in a couple walks.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Keeping The Bubble
Like I mentioned in the last post, this pregnancy has come with a lot of emotions. A lot of over thinking things and crying in public. Lately I've been thinking a lot about childhood. Don't you miss the magic? How the littlest things brought so much happiness. Most of all don't you miss not even being aware that you should care what others think?
These thoughts started to hit me these past couple weeks. This past Sunday we took M to the mall to meet Santa and get some shopping done. Once we were finished we took her to the play area. I took her on the carousal and she was just so happy. She handed the woman our money and took her ticket. I put her on the horse and strapped her in. Her face lit up. The lights, the music, the insanely slow moving ride. It was magic to her. She ran around the play area going from one thing to the next. So in all my pregnant glory I start crying. Luckily just tears. Not full on red face cry. It's such an emotional thing seeing your child interact with others. Seeing them so happy. Or maybe I'm just pregnant.
The next day we took our usual grocery shopping trip. We happened to use the other entrance which means she gets to ride the dinosaur. This thing is your typical grocery store ride. Incredibly slow and rocks back and forth. To her it's the best ride ever. As soon as she sees it she is neighing. I guess the Flintstones dinosaur resembles a horse in her eyes. Close. So I'm standing there watching as she rocks back and forth. People walk by. Some stop for a moment to watch her. Then the water works start, and here is why.
When you're little the whole world is amazing. Everything can be something fun. There is magic and adventure everywhere. You can see it in her eyes. When they light up my heart literally bursts with happiness. She has no concept of being embarrassed. She doesn't care that people are watching her ride the dinosaur. She doesn't get nervous to have other kids around while she does her thing and is who she is. She's just happy.
You get to a point in life when you feel a little silly trick or treating. At some point you want to ride the dinosaur, but you know other people are watching. There comes a time when you can fall on your face and you don't just get back up and run smiling.
Watching her live and enjoy her bubble is all I ever need to be happy, but there is the other side. I can't stop thinking about the day when all of that will change. I can't stop crying about it at random points like the grocery store.
Some day someone is going to hurt her feelings, and I can't kick their ass because they'll probably be 7 years old. Some day she is going to trip and be embarrassed. Some day she won't want me to pay for the dinosaur ride. It kills me. Even thinking about the day when she feels pain kills me. It hasn't even happened yet! I've got a good six years! At least I hope. I can't protect her forever.
I guess my plan is to tell her how much I love her every single day. I will do my best to give her true confidence without making her self important and spoiled. I'll be as silly as I can be right along with her so she knows there is no shame. I'll instill all the love and acceptance I have so that she is there for the underdog and strong enough to be the underdog herself if need be.
Please excuse the ramblings of this emotional pregnant chick.
These thoughts started to hit me these past couple weeks. This past Sunday we took M to the mall to meet Santa and get some shopping done. Once we were finished we took her to the play area. I took her on the carousal and she was just so happy. She handed the woman our money and took her ticket. I put her on the horse and strapped her in. Her face lit up. The lights, the music, the insanely slow moving ride. It was magic to her. She ran around the play area going from one thing to the next. So in all my pregnant glory I start crying. Luckily just tears. Not full on red face cry. It's such an emotional thing seeing your child interact with others. Seeing them so happy. Or maybe I'm just pregnant.
The next day we took our usual grocery shopping trip. We happened to use the other entrance which means she gets to ride the dinosaur. This thing is your typical grocery store ride. Incredibly slow and rocks back and forth. To her it's the best ride ever. As soon as she sees it she is neighing. I guess the Flintstones dinosaur resembles a horse in her eyes. Close. So I'm standing there watching as she rocks back and forth. People walk by. Some stop for a moment to watch her. Then the water works start, and here is why.
When you're little the whole world is amazing. Everything can be something fun. There is magic and adventure everywhere. You can see it in her eyes. When they light up my heart literally bursts with happiness. She has no concept of being embarrassed. She doesn't care that people are watching her ride the dinosaur. She doesn't get nervous to have other kids around while she does her thing and is who she is. She's just happy.
You get to a point in life when you feel a little silly trick or treating. At some point you want to ride the dinosaur, but you know other people are watching. There comes a time when you can fall on your face and you don't just get back up and run smiling.
Watching her live and enjoy her bubble is all I ever need to be happy, but there is the other side. I can't stop thinking about the day when all of that will change. I can't stop crying about it at random points like the grocery store.
Some day someone is going to hurt her feelings, and I can't kick their ass because they'll probably be 7 years old. Some day she is going to trip and be embarrassed. Some day she won't want me to pay for the dinosaur ride. It kills me. Even thinking about the day when she feels pain kills me. It hasn't even happened yet! I've got a good six years! At least I hope. I can't protect her forever.
I guess my plan is to tell her how much I love her every single day. I will do my best to give her true confidence without making her self important and spoiled. I'll be as silly as I can be right along with her so she knows there is no shame. I'll instill all the love and acceptance I have so that she is there for the underdog and strong enough to be the underdog herself if need be.
Please excuse the ramblings of this emotional pregnant chick.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Dust Off The Cob Webs
Holy smokes has it been a long time. Just to put in to perspective how long, I'm eight months pregnant. So that pretty much sums up just how much time has passed and how many things have changed. I've been meaning to get back to this one because I love it and two because this is for Molly. Now it's also for another little sweetie, Natalie.
The past several weeks I've wanted to get these feelings out. Most likely I'm just a big hormonal ball of emotions, but I don't want to forget. I want these feelings written down for M and N some day. That way when they doubt I love them because I took their phone away I can reference my unwavering love for them here.
Unfortunately my husband can't stand the click clacking of my fingers while he is trying to sleep so those emotions will have to be written down on a very soon day.
The past several weeks I've wanted to get these feelings out. Most likely I'm just a big hormonal ball of emotions, but I don't want to forget. I want these feelings written down for M and N some day. That way when they doubt I love them because I took their phone away I can reference my unwavering love for them here.
Unfortunately my husband can't stand the click clacking of my fingers while he is trying to sleep so those emotions will have to be written down on a very soon day.
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| Oooh cake! |
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| Hey world another cutie is on the way! |
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| Molly's 80s 1st birthday |
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| It's a girl! |
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| Natalie at 30 weeks |
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