Accepting The New Me

I can't. To say I feel down about how I look is putting it mildly. I wasn't some hottie before getting pregnant, but I was better than this. What's funny is I had so many insecurities about my body back then. God if I knew then what I know now. I just want to go back in time and kick my own butt for not loving how I looked. I wasn't a stick, but I had a shape. Now I just look in the mirror and only one word comes to mind. I don't want to say that word here. I'm a big piece of flab with stretch marks. Also, I have no idea why anyone would want big boobs. I miss my old ones.

I've been having these feelings a lot lately, but after a pound of fries and a bowel of ice cream they really came pouring out. I need to make a change. I walked more nine months pregnant in the July heat than I have recently in the cool breeze. I did ok at first with eating, but here lately it's like I'm pregnant again. Why can't I just crave a salad? I lost like 30lbs in the first few weeks after M was born. Now I'm at a stand still. The rest is up to me. So instead of throwing out half my closet I need to get busy. My plan is to walk five days a week. I'll be getting some disgusting Kashi cereal for breakfast. Mmm tree bark. For lunch a salad or a sandwich. No more chips or desserts at lunch. For dinner I'll try to keep it away from the freezer and out of the fridge instead. I used to always cook. I loved it. Now I'm just lazy and pop in some chicken fries.

I figure that with the exercise, breastfeeding, and healthier meals that I can get away with a dessert for dinner. That is my weakness. If you are having trouble accepting the new you head over to Shape Of A Mother. It is a seriously awesome blog of women with their postpartum bodies. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. We aren't. It is what it is. Now it's all about what I do from here.

My Hopes For M

When I was pregnant with M I would often think of my hopes for her. I was such an emotional wreck with overwhelming love for her that sometimes I would start to cry thinking about how much I loved her. That hasn't really stopped. I still cry in that dang Pampers commercial every time. The thing is when M was born was the most amazing, unbelievable, life changing event. I achieved everything I want in life that day. Even if it didn't happen the way I had planned. It was perfect. You have this baby growing for nine months and it's so hard to wrap your mind around it. To see her in person and know that those elbows were what I was feeling. That her little butt was what I felt rolling back and forth. It is so unreal. I love her with every part of me. So I wanted to write down my hopes for her.

I hope you always know how much we love you. We've loved you for so long.

I don't care what you believe or stand for as long as it's something.

I hope you decide what you believe and stand for yourself.

I hope you are aware of other people's beliefs and ideas and realize that they are entitled to them and not wrong because they aren't yours.

I want you to have peace and spread peace.

I hope you accept everyone even if they aren't like you.

I hope you go everywhere and do everything your heart desires.

I hope you find a love for something and never give it up even if others put it down.

Most of all I want you to be exactly who you want to be and embrace it.

Goodnight Moon

M watching the "moon"

Today M and I are talking about the moon. I'm basing this around the book 'Goodnight Moon'. To get the repetition of the book we'll read it several times today. Once with our morning reading and then once with our night reading. Sometime today we'll shut off the lights and shine a flashlight on the ceiling. To help her follow to and past the midline with her eyes I'll go side to side on the ceiling. Babies love to stare at lights, and this is a way to bring the book into that. After our night reading of today's book we'll go outside and talk about the moon. Of course she's too little to understand the words, but she's not too little to hear them. Talking as much as you can to baby is great for language development. We'll not only talk about how far it is but also about shape, color, and size. Be as descriptive as you can while talking to baby. Say things like 'the black car' or 'the eight yellow chicks.' This helps not only language but color recognition, counting, and whatever you describe. Have fun!

Sun Magic (The Scoop On Poop)

If you are breastfeeding I'm sure you've realized by now that your little bundle pees poop. They probably will until they are on solid foods. Ideally a breastfed babies stool should be runny and yellow. If it is green then they are most likely getting too much fore milk and not enough hind milk. That can happen if you have an oversupply. Off topic, but a tip for that is to hand express or pump a small amount before putting your baby to the breast. That way they can get more of the hind milk(the good stuff). Any who that runny yellow stuff may be an easy wipe up, but it is most definitely not an easy wash up. I'm talking stains. M was down to about one pair of socks without stains before I learned the power of the sun.

It was getting time to cloth diaper her since she was almost 10lbs and it hit me that these things will be sick with stains. It took twenty socks to realize 'hey this isn't coming out.' So I looked around for ideas on how to remove poop stains. This is good for formula fed babies as well. Poop is poop. The sun is a natural bleach. It is seriously magic. It does what bleach and detergent can't. I know this because once a month you need to throw in some bleach with your wash to fight odors. It does nothing for poop stains.

So here is what you do, and it's so simple I can do it. Buy a drying rack or clothes line. I chose drying rack because my husband didn't want a clothes line to deal with. Plus he thinks they are trashy. I think they look old school and environmentally friendly. I got a drying rack from Wal Mart for $9. You can find it here: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-23.5-Drying-Rack/15819208 It's rated three stars. There's a reason for that. It sucks. Set whichever one you chose up where it will get direct sunlight. Let them dry. That's it. Watch your pesky poop stains magically fade.

To Delay or Not To Delay: The Vaccine Question

Today was V day. I've been dreading it since I got two lines back in October. I did the research from the beginning. Part of me felt like 'ok let's just not.' First I should say that it had nothing to do with autism. You may or may not know that Dr. Wakefield who made claims that the MMR vaccine was linked to autism has been debunked and lost his license to practice medicine. Turns out he was working on his own MMR vaccine and wanted to scare people away from it. I guess what bothered me is just the fact of putting so many things into her body.

On the other hand there are people who rely on heard immunity for their own safety. Most of these people cannot have vaccines because of allergies in them. So when the country just stops vaxing heard immunity goes out the window. You can see why this would be a horrible thing. So not vaxing was also out of the question.

I don't feel strongly one way or the other. If you want to that is great! If you don't, just do your research. However if you are just saying 'Jenny McCarthy says my kid will have autism' then you're an idiot. I can't really put that nicely. So our question was to delay or not. I went back and forth the whole nine months and continued in her two whole months of life. For me it was like why not? It couldn't hurt anything, right?

Dr. Sears's Alternative Vaccine Schedule

• 2 months: DTaP, Rotavirus
• 3 months*: Pc, HIB
• 4 months: DTaP, Rotavirus
• 5 months*: Pc, HIB
• 6 months: DTaP, Rotavirus
• 7 months*: Pc, HIB
• 9 months: Polio (IPV)
• 12 months: Mumps, Polio (IPV) (See 3rd UPDATE)
• 15 months: Pc, HIB
• 18 months: DTaP, Chickenpox
• 2 years: Rubella, Polio (IPV) (See 3rd UPDATE)
• 2 1/2 years*: Hep B, Hep A (start Hep B at birth if any close relatives or caregivers have Hep B)
• 3 years: Hep B, Measles (See 3rd UPDATE)
• 3 1/2 years*: Hep B, Hep A
• 4 years: DTaP, Polio (IPV)
• 5 years: MMR
• 6 years: Chickenpox
• 12 years: Tdap, HPV
• 12 years, 2 months*: HPV
• 13 years: HPV, Meningococcal (once Meningococcal vaccine is approved for age 2, Dr. Sears will move it there and delay Hep B by 6 months)

Last night all I could do was toss, turn, and nurse. I woke up this morning set that we would do a delayed schedule. I wanted to make it as easy for M as possible. I felt like I had finally come to the right decision for our family. So all this morning I checked her temp like every hour. I watched for signs that she didn't feel well. I remember reading in one of the millions of baby magazines that I got while pregnant that you should wait to vax if there are signs of fever. Nothing. She was her usual half fussy half super smiley self.

So we got ourselves ready and went to the health dept. I got there a little early to talk to them about how I wanted her to be on a delayed schedule. Well, turns out they don't do them. So that was that, and my months of research and worry were decided by a policy. I stood there crushed and full of worry. What about Dr. Sears? What about my M? My choice was decided for me. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe I just made my first parenting mistake by not going elsewhere. Either way I've accepted it.

It was awful. M had her first real tear after those three shots. Her poor little thighs had three Winnie the Pooh stickers. Three! I cried. She cried. Her dad held her and stayed strong for the three of us. She got a book and we got some pamphlets. That was that. We go back in two months. Right now she is sleeping it off. She hasn't been crabby and her temp is regular. Here in a bit we are getting in the shower to hang out and sooth her little legs. We've been doing the bicycle leg motions to help her muscles. I hate to think that she may be sore right now. Her second diaper change since I took off her band aids. There was blood on them. Little specks. My little defenseless baby bled. It broke my heart. As much as it hurt to see her hurt I really feel like in the long run this was best for us. If it's not best for you then I just hope you stick to your guns. You know what's best and that's the best we can do.

Here are some articles on delaying your child's vaccine schedule:

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ColdandFluNews/story?id=6531763&page=1

http://saramcgrath.suite101.com/alternative-vaccination-schedules-a63111

http://www.lewrockwell.com/miller/miller15.html

Here are some articles on Dr. Wakefield (from both sides):

http://www.naturalnews.com/033425_BMJ_Andrew_Wakefield.html

http://news.discovery.com/human/vaccine-autism-doctor-accused-of-deliberate-fraud.html

http://childrenshospitalblog.org/british-medical-journal-further-discredits-doctor-who-claims-autism-linked-to-mmr-vaccination/

0-3 Month Royalty

Yes, it's true. M is officially a baby queen. She always was in our eyes. Putting M in a baby pageant wasn't something I ever really saw myself doing. I don't know why. Turns out it's actually pretty fun, but maybe that's because we won. I'm pretty sure I would have been a bit defensive had we lost. That's just me, but who knows. I could have been the bigger person too. We'll never know.

Not only is M pageant royalty, but her cousin also won first place in 4-6 boys. We came, we won, we went back to our own town. Which wasn't the plan, but apparently the fair never showed up. So there was an empty field, baby show tent, and a country festival afterwards. Not really our thing.

This place was so packed it was ridiculous. At first it was about 5,000 degrees out and the sun was only a few feet from us. Then all of a sudden there's a down pour and some crazy wind. So instead of having the show up on a stage we were under a tent that was about to cave. Luckily that only lasted about half way through. So being that it was insanely packed and really loud there aren't really any pictures of this amazing event. All we got were some celebratory shots afterwards.

The best part was how alert and happy M was the whole time. Then five minutes after her win she was out. Girl knows how to perform when need be. Now don't worry I'm not going to start getting her spray tanned. I'd say our pageant days are over. We decided to hang up our hat while we're ahead.

Sister, Brother in Law, and King baby A.
Check out that fedora!

Husband, Me, and worn out queen M.

Mastering The Moby

The Moby was the first carrier that I purchased in preparation for M. Let me tell you when I got that 5.5 meters of fabric I thought 'well forget this.' It's pretty intimidating. I would practice and practice, but it looked pretty bad with my huge belly and a teddy bear. So I started to stock up on ring slings which I became I pro at with the help of my cat. Once M was here and I knew what I thought all along. That I would be in love with baby wearing. I decided to purchase a Mei Tai. The Mei Tai is easy. I love it. It's easy. Not as easy as the ring sling, but just as great.

So last night I decided to make another attempt at the Moby. I was hoping that with a slimmer belly and better Guinea pig it would work. It did. She loves the Moby. I loved how easy it was to move around in. I have to tell you that even if you are intimidated keep trying. It's really not so bad. The one thing I can say is it was pretty hot with it on. So now that I feel confident in my beginner wrapping skills I feel like I can do something that I've dreamed of all along. Investing in a beautiful woven wrap. I love seeing these wraps being used online. I've never seen it in person. Or really any baby wearing for that matter.

The art of wrapping intrigues me. I've you tubed the crap out of woven wraps in the past nine months. To me it's the pro level of baby wearing. That's just me personally. So now that I feel like I can purchase one without it being a waste of money I better start saving. You would be surprised how much a piece of fabric cost. Those people are making a killing.

This is M and I in the Moby. Once I get the woven I'll add my attempts. It will definitely be a learning experience. The day I have M in a back carry with a woven will be a great day.





Yes I'm in pajamas and look like crap. It was one of those days.